I had a bit of a wobble last night where I started questioning my worth. I couldn't see the point of why I'm here. I just felt like I'm a waste of a space in the world and that my life is meaningless. I don't work, I don't contribute, I don't have a purpose.
I just feel like I'm letting something amazing pass me by and I'm too busy hiding from it to enjoy it. Life can be so beautiful in so many little ways, but when you find yourself locked in a battle of wills with your 4 year old again, it becomes harder to see.
I suppose this all comes about from my having been feeling so crappy the last few days. I don't make a good poorly procrastinator. Mainly because I can't just lie on a sofa with someone looking after me. Because I am alone. And no, for these purposes, my madam doesn't count. She may have been doing her best to look after me, but she still needs me to look after her. And the constant need for attention she has is draining at the best of times.
She was playing up yesterday as she's also got a cold and no-one was being sympathetic enough for her liking...
And then last night she hijacked me as I got into bed so I got absolutely no time on my own in there and instead had her coughing and spluttering down my ear whilst I tried to ignore the rattle in my own chest and get some sleep. So I'm tired, too.
But today was D-day, or maybe L-day would be better. Today, with the help of my timer I started on the living room. I was terrified and I didn't know where to begin. But as my fridge is in my living room due to the space constraints in my kitchen and I can barely open the freezer for clutter. That corner won the first 15 minute block. And I decluttered enough from that one small area to fill a whole bin bag. I also found goodness only knows how many of madams odd socks that have been lost for an age!
There is now a small laundry mountain forming in there, but this doesn't frighten me as much as it might once have. Because I have a technique in place to cope with that.
And tomorrow we do a bit more...
The results of todays session:
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