Lifestyle - A Moan About Reality

Hellooooooooo! Sorry to have been A.W.O.L. for so long. I have been rather obsessively reading a series of books and then I read my book for the month in an hour or so, so I've sort of started on next month's book! 

I say almost, because technically its not the book on the list but as the one that is happens to be the 2nd of 3, I thought I could start on book 1 now :-) 

I have been feeling a little out of love with blogging as well. Too many other things going on that I'm not too happy with for whatever reason is leaving me uninspired. I did get a bit of a boost on Sunday though as I got to be internationally famous for an evening! 

This is because my interview was up on the Bonjour, Blogger! site. I really enjoy the interview posts and love to read about different bloggers out there. It certainly made me feel a bit more happy than I had been so far that evening. Madam is still being a handful...

And that's another thing that has been winding me up. Now, I'm certainly not averse to social media and use it all the time. And yea, I edit the things I put out there. But why is the internet full of pictures of kids destroying stuff, crying at nothing and generally being horrid when *no-one* seems to mention that side of it!

These things are collected in one place and only if you know where to look will you find them. They're not all over Facebook or Twitter (at least, not that I've seen). It leaves me feeling like my child is in some way abnormal for acting the way she does. And she's just not. My 5yr old certainly is angrier than a lot of others, but the rest of the stuff is perfectly normal 5yr old behaviour, isn't it? 

If I talk to the other parents in the playground they all roll their eyes and mention the time when their little darling did x or y or even both! I sometimes wonder why this side of parenting seems to be so taboo. My struggles with madam's temper would be more manageable if I didn't feel quite so alone dealing with it.

And if you search online for help there are hundreds of other parents asking the same questions. So, I shouldn't feel so isolated, but when you've had a whole day ruined by one, almighty, tantrum and you've been told just how much you're hated by the one person you're devoted to it does niggle. Because those are the moments when I rant on Twitter and I get to see someone else's perfect day with their child!  

So, come on parents, help me out! Surely there are bad moments in your days too? It can't just be me, can it? 

Love, Pearl.

Reading Challenge - May Update

It's the end of the month already! How did that happen? Today I am mainly just overexcited because I have new glasses... Its been four years since the last new pair so it was about time for a change. I have also got new sunglasses as the restrictions have changed and I could use my NHS voucher. Free second pair offers are the best...

OK, so, books. I have been reading more slowly this month, just the one book at a time. But I seem to have read pretty much the same as other months. I think because I read at work on my break and at lunch. 

My book from The List this month was The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. I did like it and I can see what all the fuss was about but I was slightly disappointed. It just felt like it could have been more. The story takes place over the course of many years and there are also several other players that we read about along the way. The main plot is a competition between two Illusionists and there protégés.

The two young students are bound together in youth and then separately taught all their master believes they need. They are then set against each other in a competition to the death. Though the students are unaware that this is the ultimate end to their game, initially. 

Events are played out through the Night Circus, both creating new tents and illusions to outperform the other. Whilst one knows who his competitor is, the other does not. Eventually the participants fall in love and they try and effect an escape from their destined end. They recruit someone else to take over their enchantments and but for one final act almost completely succeed. They are trapped within the Circus, but free to be together. 

As I said, good story. But there were so many side plots and interruptions that it was all just a bit flabby. I would have loved a tighter, punchier tale. I liked it, but not enough that I think I will be reading it again. 

The full list of books I read this month is:

1. Sanctum by Sarah Fine - 30/4/14 ~ 2/5/14

2. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - 2/5/14 ~ 8/5/14

3. Fractured by Sarah Fine - 8/5/14 ~ 11/5/14

4. Grounded by G.P. Ching - 12/5/14 ~ 14/5/14

5. Elephant Moon by John Sweeny - 16/5/14 ~ 20/5/14

6. Insurgent by Veronica Roth - 20/5/14 ~ 22/5/14

7. Allegiant by Veronica Roth - 22/5/14 ~ 24/5/14

8. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou - 28/5/14 ~ 29/5/14.

#108463358 / gettyimages.com

That last book I hadn't planned on reading, but with the passing of Maya Angelou I really wanted to reread it. I also didn't read any Heyer this month as I just didn't fancy it. In fact for the first time all the books I read, barring that last one, were eBooks. 

I've got next months book lined up and am currently reading one that will have to roll over. I've not read much of it but am really getting into it. 

And that's about it for this month. As ever it remains to say that my reading challenge was inspired by essbeevee and her books are amazing posts. 

What have you been reading? 

Love, Pearl. 

Reading Challenge - April Update

I apologise for this being a couple of days late, but I have been doing exciting work type activities and have had no time or internet access! I did attempt to blog from my phone, but it just wasn't happening for me!

I have really enjoyed this months reading, mainly because I've been working my way through the end of a series I started last year and seriously enjoyed. I read the final three books and am now slightly bereft there are no more to get through. 

I do think its better for a series of books to end before it becomes tedious though. But, if you like YA fiction, I thoroughly recommend the Soulkeepers series by G.P. Ching which is pretty reasonably priced on Kindle. 

My Reading Challenge book for this month was Wonder by R.J. Palacio. I adored this. I read it in pretty much one sitting. I loved all the characters and how they were all given their own voice within the story and it is genuinely one of the first books I ended by crying great big, fat tears of happiness. It is so lovely and so heartwarming. I recommend everyone to read this at least once in their life. 

But be warned, it is hard to read in places. August, the main character, faces some pretty huge hurdles in his life. I cried big, sad tears at certain points, too. I also laughed out loud and got incredibly emotionally involved with so much of it. Brilliant book, brilliant. 

The full list of books I read this month is:

1. Wonder by R.J. Palacio ~ 31/3/14 - 1/4/14
2. Divergent by Veronica Roth ~ 6/4/14 - 7/4/14
3. Soul Catcher by G.P. Ching ~ 18/4/14 - 19/4/14
4. Fortunately, the Milk by Neil Gaiman ~ 19/4/14 - 21/4/14
5. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells ~ 19/3/14 - 21/4/14
6. Lost Eden by G.P. Ching ~ 21/4/14 - 23/4/14
7. The Quiet Gentleman by Georgette Heyer ~ 19/3/14 - 25/4/14
8. Coraline by Neil Gaiman ~ 25/4/14 - 28/4/14
9. The Last Soulkeeper by G.P. Ching ~ 28/4/14 - 29/4/14

This month's Heyer was leftover from March and was called The Quiet Gentleman. I think this was the sweetest I've read so far and I also enjoyed the attempted murder plot. I am completely glad I decided to read these Heyer books alongside the challenge as it has been a lot of fun so far. I have borrowed this months Heyer from mother and am looking forward to getting started on it.

I have so many things to share with you all, but you'll have to wait a little longer! 

This challenge was inspired by the Books are Amazing posts on the fab essbeevee's blog :)

Love, Pearl.

Reading Challenge - March Update

Hi! I have had a much better reading month than February and am feeling back on track with the old challenge. I've even gone through the barrier on the challenge I had set myself on GoodReads! I pledged 24 books this year and have already finished 25. I wonder if I can increase it...

This months book from The List was Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. I've read a few of her books before and always enjoyed them but was slightly disappointed with this one. It started well enough, and I liked the flashback style of storytelling, but I was left thinking it could have been more than it was.

The story centres around Snowman, the lone survivor of a viral epidemic which wiped out humankind. He is living with a group of genetically engineered "Crakers" who he is sort of responsible for. 

The story sees Snowman set out to collect more supplies and along the way he tells you, via flashback, how the world became the way it is now and his role in it. I honestly found the flashbacks to be more interesting than the actual present story! And also the ending was a bit odd. It just felt as though it had more to be said but didn't have the space. 

Snowman spends all of the book collecting his supplies and explaining the back story and then when he gets back to the Crakers the story sort of ends. This is because the book is part of a trilogy (which I didn't at first realise) but I think books should be able to be read independently to their series and still feel complete. 

It didn't even feel like a cliffhanger, which I could accept.

Do I recommend it? Yes, I guess I do. I sort of want to read the next parts to see how the story progresses. But I think you probably need to already like Margaret Atwood or post-apocolyptic style novels in the first place. 

My full list of books read in March was:

1. Sew Step by Step by Alison Smith (8/3/14 - 8/3/14)
2. Stitch Step by Step by Maggi Gordon (8/3/14 - 8/3/14)
3. Bonjour, Blogger! by Hayley Constantine (10/3/14 - 11/3/14)
4. 12 Years A Slave by Solomon Northup (7/2/14 - 13/3/14) 
5. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (14/3/14 - 17/3/14)
6. Knit Step by Step by Vikki Haffenden (17/3/14 - 17/3/14)
7. Crochet Step by Step by Sally Harding (17/3/14 -17/3/14)
8. Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood (1/3/14 - 18/3/14)
9. The Fault in our Stars by John Green (17/3/14 - 19/3/14)
10. Only One Way Out by Oliver Clarke (19/3/14 - 19/3/14)
11. Jack Pepper by Sarah Lean (19/3/14 - 23/3/14)

That last one was a book I read to madam at bedtime, but as I'd never read it before I counted it!

I have not managed to get through a Heyer book in this month, it's in progress at the moment. I'm about a third of the way through A Quiet Gentleman and enjoying it so far. I'm also still reading The Time Machine so those will both have to go onto next months list!

This might be a good thing as I have BIRTHDAY to look forward to and will hopefully be having a busy social life! I do have my book lined up and ready to start tomorrow... I'm really looking forward to this one, it has to be said :)

I have made a page dedicated to this challenge, so if you don't know what it's about or just want to catch up, it's at the top waiting for you to check it out! I also added in a new photo of me doing a reading! Hope you like it! 

This challenge was inspired by the Books Are Amazing posts on essbeevee.co.uk :)

Have you got any recommendations for me?

Love, Pearl.

Books - A Full Set of Happiness

So, you remember how I said I got some new books the other day and I said how I had my eye on two more that would complete the set? Well, my friend Tabatha tweeted me the other morning to tell me she'd ordered the books I was after from The Works. Then she sent me this:

@p_gen_says Ordered them from The Works website. Knit was £4.99 and crochet was £5.99 but then got 20% off with code SPRING20 xx

— Louise Z (@tabatha_tweedie) March 14, 2014

I mean! How could I resist, so I didn't! And they arrived yesterday (prompt service, The Works, well done!). And I unwrapped them in all their polka dotted loveliness and, obviously, took a photo! (Bloggers are weird creatures).

Knit and Crochet Step by Step

I then spent a happy afternoon reading them and learning an awful lot more than I thought I would! Who knew there were *quite* so many cast-on techniques for knitting! And I discovered that the stitch pattern I used for my hat and scarf set is called Tiara stitch! 

The books are just as good as I was hoping and there are a few projects in each that I want to have a go at. And then I put them all on my bookshelf with my other craft books :) I am such a dweeb I rearranged them a couple of times to get the colours the way I wanted them! 

Pretty books all in a row!

The only downside to all of this (other than my bank balance) was actually The Works website! I have to say that although I put one book in my basket with no difficulties the second increased in price when added. I had to take it out and put it in a couple of times. And do a different search to get the price it was actually displayed at! (No, I did not feel like paying £5 more than the advertised price!)

And when I checked out I couldn't use the reward card that I had just carefully registered! It wasn't even an option. Why give them out in store, make you register them online and then not let you collect points online! Stupid. 

Don't get me wrong, my addiction to The Works is still in place and I will definitely be shopping online with them again. Just, could someone clear up the glitches on the site, please!

Have you got any new books recently?

Love, Pearl.

A busy old week so far

Well, hello! How are you? What have you been doing with yourselves? I have been all over the place in the last few days! I shall begin at the beginning and see where we go from there.

First of all, I finished the other mitten! Here it is, complete with fastening sewn in place. Cute, no?

As mentioned in my post from the other day we went to the panto on Monday. We set off fairly early on Monday morning so that we got a bit of shopping time in before having lunch. This was quite painful as madam and I have been enjoying our lie-ins whilst we've been on Christmas holidays. But we knew we would be getting back in to it with school starting on Tuesday anyway.

So, madam and I did a bit of shopping around York and got my mum a magazine with a free sewing pattern that I thought she would like. We also got madam some Frozen stickers to go in her new album. She has not stopped talking about Frozen since we went to see it with the Guides in the middle of December. And I still love that it contains a song that references fractals :)

We did end up in the Disney shop as well, somehow... I managed to drag madam away and we went and looked at pretty shoes in Schuh for a bit before heading over to the restaurant where we were meeting my parents and younger bro for lunch. 

Having lunched hugely on risotto and ice cream we headed to the York Theatre Royal for the panto to start at 2.30pm. Madam was so excited and I was a little worried she'd fidget. But I should have known better. She sat through the entire first half completely glued to what she was watching and with her mouth open like a fish! 

When the first half finished she looked devastated whilst I took her to the bathroom. I managed to find that this was because she thought the show was over! I promised her there was another half to come and reminded her that Grandpa had foolishly promised her an(other) ice cream! She perked up rather a lot at this prospect!

The second half brought more fish impressions and another sad face as the panto finally drew to a close. Her favourite thing had been the Gene Genie and the bit where they had gone into a filmed section and one of the characters had ended up upside down in a bin. She chattered about it non-stop on the bus back to the car-park but was so tired by then she just leant on my shoulder quietly on the drive home.

Tuesday was back to school day and I also had to go and sign on. I went round to the folks to get myself ready for the Jobcentre. It always makes me feel like I've done something wrong. I got to my appointment a few minutes early but then had to sit and wait, and wait, and wait! I was kept waiting for nearly 45mins which is not good when you're already feeling kind of anxious. 

I ended up having a half an hour or so consultation when it was finally my turn. I am looking to change my job search as I am not finding anything really to apply for. They offered to sign me up to a (and I hate this title) Fast Track 2 Work course. I, of course, said yes. I'm all for a course :) The drawback is that it is in Driffield and that I had to have a one-on-one interview before being accepted. Again, in Driffield. 

And that is what I did yesterday. I got my dad to give me a lift (aren't dad's great?) and went for a chat with the lady that will be running the course. She had also come in from Beverley to chat to me (ah, yes, bureaucracy is stupid). Anyway, we drew up a learning agreement and I told her, honestly, about the things I find hard about job searching (the forms, the phonecalls, the lack of self-worth!). She has promised she can help. Excellent. So I start this course next Tuesday (14th) and it runs until 4th Feb.

Today is the first day I have had to myself this week, I am quite enjoying being back at my fave cafe nursing one bottle of diet coke for as long as possible! They know me quite well, they don't mind!

And how is my reading going? Quite well actually. I have already read 3 books this year and am about a third of the way through an actual Georgette Heyer. I'm just starting another on my Kindle and will hopefully get that finished shortly. I think this is setting itself up to be a reading year. In the same way that last year was all about the crochet and the year before was knitting! 

I seem to only obsess over one thing at a time...     

a book a month challenge

the perfect companions to a good read

I am almost certain that I have mentioned my love for the fashion blog essbeevee before, though possibly not in a fashion context as there is so much more to Sarah's site than that.

The thing I have been most obsessed with all year has been her book club posts. This is not a normal book club though as it isn't about everyone reading one book it's about one person sharing their favourites to give us all a little bit of inspiration.

As I said, I have been reading them all year and have decided to make myself a reading list based on the recommendations that have been shared. Some of the books mentioned are ones that I have already read and loved which was quite satisfying, but ruled them out of my list. 

I have decided to try and get back into reading regularly as it seems to be something that I have got out of recently and I have therefore charged myself merely to read one book a month as I should be able to manage that! I have tried to pick books I have either never heard of, but sound intriguing, or ones I have wanted to read for ages and not got round to. There are a couple from authors I have read before and one from an author a lot of people have told me to read but I've not ever quite got into despite having started a couple of her books. 

I should really have waited a couple of days before writing this post as this months Books Are Amazing post won't go up until the 31st. I have therefore used Sarah's own list of favourites to get my 12th book from. I have read all the posts from most recent backwards and selected one book from each persons list. Some months I have wanted to pick all the books. Every month I have had to make a hard choice between two I liked the look of... 

Madam with the books she won earlier this year from DK Books

I think I should also write a review after I have read each book so that you can 1: make sure I'm sticking to it and 2: hopefully find some recommendations of your own. I will also be taking any further recommendations you care to give me. I shall post the review at the end of each month to give myself chance to get it read. 

I am really rather excited at this idea :) If anyone would like to gift me any of these books I am also completely happy to accept them! (cheeky, I know). I do have a birthday coming up sort of soon so don't be surprised if I request a specific book from you!

The list is in order of how I took it from the blog starting with November's book and working back to last December. This is not necessarily the order in which they will be read. When I review them I will mention what month they're from with a link to the original post so that you can see the books I passed over for the one I eventually chose! (although, as I said, I wanted to mainly read most of them)

THE LIST
1 - The Shipping News by Annie Proulx
I have heard of this before, mainly as a film, but it sounded like something I would enjoy.

2 - I Capture The Castle by Dodie Smith
I have picked this up and put it down again in so many bookshops so many times. This year, I will read it!

3 - Wonder by R.J. Palacio
This just sounded like a really good read, to be honest.

4 - Gormenghast by Mervyn Peake
Another series of books I have wanted to read for ages and never gotten around to. I watched the BBC adaption of it and loved it.

5 - Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life (Volume 1) by Bryan Lee O'Malley
Seen the film, laughed all the way through it, seems like a good choice for a first graphic novel.

6 - The Shell House by Linda Newbury
This is another that just sounded like something I would enjoy reading.

7 - The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
It said a grown-ups Harry Potter, sort of. I'm sold.

8 - Devils Cub by Georgette Heyer
Ah, Ms. Heyer, you have been recommended to me so many times by so many people. Perhaps this is the book to spark my own love...

9 - The Raw Shark Texts by Stephen Hall
This just sounded surreal. And I like that in a book.

10 - The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Based on a biblical character who had four mothers. I need to read this.

11 - Oryx And Crake by Margaret Atwood
I really enjoy Margaret Atwood's books, this is one I have so far not got round to. 

12 - The Book Of Lost Things by John Connolly
Again, grown-up fairy tale is enough to have me hooked!

I have made an Amazon wishlist with all the books on too! I might have to investigate the amazon marketplace for some of it's famous 1p bargains... 

procrastination is reaching out!

I could make some joke about windmills in my mind, but nah...

I am a little overwhelmed. I recently checked my spam comments box (I have to say, I had forgotten to do it for ages) and found loads of stuff in there!  If you comment whilst anonymous it puts you in there automatically... There is some lovely feedback and some tips for how to progress. I am really thankful for this discovery as it helps me feel like I'm connecting with people on a much bigger scale than I had thought.

I am glad of this new impetus to keep moving forward. I am feeling a little like I have started an uphill climb at the moment. What with the job hunting that I am doing as well. 

Anyone who follows me on twitter will have noticed a distinct lack of me celebrating getting an interview for the cover supervisor job I applied for (which I wrote about here). This is cause I didn't get one. Even though I thought I had met all their criteria :(

I have emailed them in the hope of getting some feedback but have had no response so far. I have two or three jobs I'm applying for at the moment and will let you know if I hear back from anything. I am getting the distinct impression that being out of work for 5 years might be a big black mark against me. 

I haven't really had much chance to progress a lot further with my current craft project, but am still ahead of myself, so don't feel too worried about it all. I am also planning on how to write it all up so that you guys will be able to read all about it as soon as possible.

I have been doing nothing exciting with my time and am slightly disappointed that my planned trip to the cinema for Classic Movie Tuesday with the We Watch Films guys has been cancelled. This has become my monthly escape and I am now stuck in the house with madam this evening instead. But I am mainly just being moany and selfish, just ignore me... I am *quite* glad I don't have to sit at the Odeon for a few hours though, those seats are still as uncomfy as they ever were...

I think the last time I had been there before the WWF guys showed the Labyrinth was with friend L and we watched the Grease anniversary showing! (I may have completely mis-remembered this event!). I remember going to see the Blair Witch Project there as well...

But I do love going to the cinema and it used to be my bad habit when I lived with my parents. I went 3 or 4 times a week and would think nothing of going from a late shift and then to a midnight showing (obviously not if I was on the early the next day!).

I used to be so up to date with what was around and I still feel that loss of freedom quite keenly. I have to make so many arrangements just to go once a month now, it sucks :( 

Although, I have got a decent working DVD player again and can at least watch stuff in the evenings. I still get stuck with madam's choices after school though! I have vetoed certain films for a while now! We'll be finishing off the film version of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe this afternoon. We went through the whole of the BBC TV adaption the other day and she wanted to compare! 

I have to say watching one straight after the other really does throw up the "Hollywoodisation" of the film. But I do still quite enjoy it. I have to pretend I don't know the books, but I can just about not throw things at it (unlike friend V!). I do wish someone would make the Magician's Nephew into a film though, I have a real love for that book...

Madam and I went on another nature walk at the weekend and found yet more mushrooms for her to look at. The best was a lilac/grey one we found in the beech wood near my parents. No idea what it was. We never dare pick or eat any just in case they are poisonous. I'd love to go out with an expert and do some proper foraging. I know that we see a lot of parasol mushrooms and as far as I'm aware you can eat those, but I still have that fear just in case we are wrong!

Sadly, I didn't take my phone out with me so didn't manage to get a photo of the lovely purple 'shroom, or any of the windmills we passed on the way home. There are three locally that are no longer in use, but there is a working one locally too (the picture at the top). We need to go back there again. I really want some locally produced flour :)

  

a new chapter

I have started on a new story, my old one has come to a grinding halt and I can't think my way around it. This is what I have so far, let me know what you think:

It started on a Tuesday. At least, she thought it was a Tuesday. It was hard to tell from this point in time. Especially as time was refusing to run in a straight line any more.

She wasn't even sure how she had done it. She had woken up as normal, had a shower and got dressed. She'd mulled over the red dress or the blue playsuit (she'd gone for the dress as playsuits could be so annoying sometimes).

She'd had a quick breakfast, just a banana and a less than satisfying cup of coffee. And then she'd left the house and walked down the street the same as she always did. She had turned the corner onto the main road and been surprised to see the bus stop had disappeared. And not just been moved or something, but genuinely gone. With no marks on the pavement to even show where it had been yesterday, where she'd stood at the same spot and caught the bus to work.

She'd turned to go into the little corner shop that she sometimes went into when she ran out of bread or milk. The owner looked at her in a sleazy way so she only used it in emergencies. Except, it wasn't there either. In fact it was a different shop altogether. It was a full post office with a box built into the wall and everything.

Now this was a definite turn up for the books. As far as she could remember there was a big campaign to stop them closing post offices down. And they definitely weren't opening new ones. Moreover, this had the look of a well-established place. There were even cards in the window with adverts on. She took a step closer to read one which had caught her eye, it had a photo of a vintage Fiesta on it, but what had really caught her eye was the large writing underneath which said "Only 1 Year Old". And the price next to it was enough to make her laugh. 

She went inside and was immediately struck by what people were wearing. She found herself staring at a man with a moustache so like the comedy ones people sometimes wear out of a cracker, she almost laughed. She was going to talk to one of the cashiers when she started noticing the price labels on things. Most of them were in pence. And there were half pennies on some of them!

Now, she was definitely afraid. She was trying to rationalise it, but she couldn't. It appeared she'd gone round the corner from her house and walked straight into the seventies. Or maybe the eighties, she couldn't remember when half pennies had been withdrawn. 

And had she been born then? She was born in 1986, they must have been gone by then as she didn't remember them.

So, whenever she was it was definitely before she was born. And how was she to get home? Or even explain to her boss why she wasn't at work!

"Sorry I wasn't at work yesterday, but I seemed to have slipped through the space/time continuum and come out before I was born. Couldn't get a bus from there, it won't happen again."

She left the post office again and stood back outside where the bus stop should be. She looked and noticed all the cars on the road had really old number plates, the kind that started with all letters. She walked back around the corner in the hope that things would return to normal, but knew instantly that they hadn't when she saw a white man coming out of her neighbour Mr Singh's door. And as she watched him lock the door behind him she was pretty certain she wasn't just making a rather stupid error. 

She stopped in front of her house and saw that the front door was now a pale blue colour whereas she'd painted it a cheerful yellow. She didn't really know what to do with herself. She realised that all her money would be of the wrong size and design so she wouldn't be able to buy anything. She hoped that the banana would sustain her for however long this adventure lasted.

She walked down to the bottom of her street and saw there was a playpark on the scruffy patch of grass that she knew as a rather empty parade of shops. There were several mums sat on the benches watching their small children play. She smiled to herself as she remembered how much freedom she'd had as a child. Not stuck in the house with some form of electronic entertainment.

And then she saw the sign notifying the residents of brand new shops to be constructed. Work expected to start August 1982... 

things to do with madam's summer

I received the first of my ebay purchases yesterday :) It's the shrug I ordered to go with the wedding outfit for September. It's not as dark blue as I thought it would be, but that's not actually a bad thing. Madam took a photo for me, urm, slightly dodgy but you get the idea... (that's the dress I'll be wearing it with, too).

Have spent the last couple of days trying to plot out things for madam to do over the holidays. This is made harder by the fact that she is 4. There is no provision for pre-schoolers locally. This is a perpetual whine of all parents with children under 5. I am amused by the fact there are some children (like madam's best friend who isn't 4 for another fortnight) who will complete a full year at school before having their 5th birthday. So are those 4yr olds allowed to participate or must they wait until the age of 5 like madam?

 

Obviously, our plan is to sign madam up for the things we think she'd like and just ignore the fact that she's supposed to be 5. Being tall will definitely help her in this case. And because she's under 8 I have to stay with her anyway... So I don't get why they impose the age limit!

 

There was a small mammal hunt that she could have done this morning, but there were no spaces left :( I have signed her up for a minibeast safari, a butterfly safari and a teddy bears picnic. All at the local country park nature reserve. It cost me £1.50 each and they're all at least 2 hrs. I just need more things to do with her on the other 39 days of the hols...

I am planning on, hopefully, another trip to Bristol. I want to go and see L and her family and have a nosy around the new house she's moving into. But more importantly madam and I want to go on a Gromit hunt! For those of you who don't know, Gromit (you know, from Wallace and... ) has been hidden in various locations around Bristol. The Gromit Unleashed art exhibition is raising funds for the Bristol Children's Hospital charity and 80 sculptures have been  hidden around the city.

I am planning on downloading the app so we can play along when we get the chance! The exhibition finishes on the 8th September so I really hope that'll give us enough time...

But my other plans for the holidays mainly involve the seaside and/or various parks and local (free) museums etc. Madam is really keen on doing any form of colouring/painting/getting messy that I can think up too!

I just hope the weather stays mainly fine as I don't think a soggy summer will be an easy thing to navigate. Although I would get more chance to indulge in the sewing/crochet/knitting projects I have on the go. Oh, and to read some of my book mountain.   

how a book can consume me

 

 

Saturday was mainly taken up with me having my nose stuck in a book. Well, reading a Kindle, but it doesn't have quite the same ring to it somehow. The outcome is the same though. I ended up doing very little else and just becoming absorbed in the other world I was reading about.

 

Now, fortunately, madam was out most of the afternoon with the kids that live down the street from my mum and dad. Which absolved me from parenting duties, which was lovely given how little time off I've had since M&D went on holiday.

 

So, whilst madam was out I watched Superman 2 and read my book. I was right, I do remember that one being a favourite from childhood. I still wish I was Lois Lane, though perhaps without getting into quite so many ridiculous situations... I mean who hasn't ended up trapped under the Eiffel tower lift whilst psychotic terrorists plot death and destruction?

 

Amusingly, whilst watching that scene, all I could think about was the fact she was lying on her boobs and just how much that would have hurt if it were me... There's always something that brings you back to reality!

 

Having finished watching Superman 2 I was just debating what I might do next when madam burst back in the front door sobbing her eyes out. Tragedy! Her friends were going to the park but there was no room in the car for her. So, being a good mummy, I told her we could walk round to the local park for a bit and play.

 

I shoved my Kindle in my pocket and we headed for the park. I parked myself on a bench and shoved my face back in my book. Madam, being madam, had joined in with a group of kids within moments and she was fair away with herself. She did fall off the zip wire at one point which provoked a few tears, but a hug and promise of an ice lolly solved that pretty quickly.

 

She's made of tough stuff, that one! She then found a group of older kids to hang out with. It was quite funny watching the pre-teens play with her. They were obviously thinking what to do with her, and then she just ran circles around them (quite literally at some points)!

 

I eventually managed to persuade her to leave the big boys and girls alone and come home for her tea (and the ice lolly I promised her). We got home to find Coraline was on and so watched that until it was finished and I read some more of my book.

 

After I managed to force madam into her bed I came back downstairs and completely reabsorbed myself. So much so the film I'd put on completely passed me by! I switched it off when it was finished and read to the end of the book before bed.

 

I'm not exactly a speed reader, but I find reading from the Kindle surprisingly easy. The one thing I don't like is the fact that I don't have a backlit screen, that would make it so much better in poor lighting and if I wanted to read in bed etc...

 

Now, I'm going to guess that some of you might be wondering what this book that absorbed all my attention was. It's called Return to Eden and it's by G.P. Ching. It's actually book 3 in the Soulkeepers series. And there is one more to read. Well, after I download it.

 

 

 

The books centre round a character called Jacob and how he learns of his powers and then how he uses them to fight off evil. There is really a central group of six core characters, but it all starts from Jacob. He discovers he has the power to manipulate water and can form it into shapes to use as weapons against evil. He also can call water to him to help heal his girlfriend whose skin burns as she uses her powers.

 

I'm really not selling this book very well, I might write a proper review for you all another day. Suffice to say I would recommend the series to anyone who was interested in fantasy books.

 

But right now I have to go and deal with the cat who seems to have taken up residency in my parents house!  

 



the end of an era (sort of)

This has nothing to do with the blog. I just think it looks pretty!

 

 

I am at a bit of loss now. I have finally handed in the last of my college work and now that's it. It's over. I went in today as the external moderator was coming in to, well, moderate and they'd asked if some of us could come in and have a chat with her.

 

I was the only one from our level 2 group who made it in (which is laughable given how much extra help I've had) and there were 3 from the level 3 group. The moderator was nearly an hour late getting there as she'd been caught up in road works (good job I had nowhere else to be) but it did mean that I got an hour to chat to the other guys.

 

It was really nice to be able to have a laugh with them and they seemed like they would have been good to work with. They still have a couple of weeks left and it was nice to know that two of them were just as disorganised as me. I do feel sorry for the tutor, all these hopeless students to deal with.

 

I do miss our little group and how well we'd all bonded by the end of the course. As part of our ending project we'd all given each other some feedback and some of the positive comments were so nice to hear. It seems strange not to see them every week now.

 

Whilst talking to the level 3s I asked them how many were going on to do the next level and it turned out the majority of them were. They all tried to persuade me to do the level 3 in September, but I explained that it's just not on the cards for me at the moment.

 

I have really enjoyed all that we've learned about and I am really keen to learn more and study the area further. But given the amount of extra support I ended up needing I don't think I'm ready for that yet. And as I said to the tutor it would probably involve weekly tutorials to get me through it. Neither of us fancy that!

 

I have a feeling giving myself some time away and maybe finding myself a job to help me build some of my confidence up again would be the most helpful path. Also, I don't have a spare £450 to spend at this point!

 

But the question is what do I do to keep my brain ticking over now? Do I look at doing some form of e-learning course? And if I do, what do I do it on/in? It would be really good to do some sort of film studies course as I've always been interested in films and I do spend half my life watching them!

 

Maybe I could do it myself, watch a film and share it with the group as it were. An online film club of sorts. I could write a blog post on it and we could have discussion through the comments. This does rely on people interacting with the blog though. And not everyone likes doing that.

 

I have a few blogger friends who post book reviews and they get requests and all sorts. I could do that too, but I think I would be in a rather saturated market. And again an online book club would be hard to sustain through the blog.

 

Maybe I could just post about psychological theories as I read more around and about them. But I may lose my lovely readers whilst I indulge myself in that way. I do already spend a lot of time crafting so maybe I should focus on something to do with that.

 

Maybe I should try learning a new craft. Or perhaps I should go back to sketching. I really did used to enjoy whiling away the hours drawing endless pictures. But I tend to doodle now and I may have become rubbish. Practice makes perfect though and I guess I need to try it and find out.

 

Oh, whilst I was at college I added some more blog posts to my portfolio and one of them was the one about how college goes with depression. I asked the tutor to read it as it has my description of how depression feels to me. And she did that thing she is so remarkably good at. She asked me a question that made me think.

 

Her question was: if you're at the top of a tree, what is it that you can see?

 

Now I feel like I am in darkness a lot of the time, but there must have been a reason I climbed up in the first place. What was I looking for that I climbed so high?

 

I shall have to have a really good think on it and get back to you!  

the blog is in triple figures!

Today marks another milestone in the life of this blog. This is post number 100, though I am equally as excited about the next post as well as I'm a big fan of George Orwell's classic book 1984 and 101 might be a fun thing to play on...

 

I remember reading that for university in my first year (along with Brave New World by Aldous Huxley) and being really taken with it. It introduced me to the ideas of dystopia and of the whole big brother thing. I wrote the best essay of my entire university career based on those books and a few films. That would be leisure futures for anyone who is interested!

 

I wish I could have done more stuff like that, I might have ended up with a higher degree classification...

 

Anyhoo, that's the past and it's all done with now. Maybe I'll go back to uni again one day and study something just for the enjoyment of it. I guess I could sign up to some of the Open University free courses as a start...

 

This afternoon I will mainly be doing laundry and working out what I need to pack for our trip. I limit myself to one suitcase as well as my backpack as I can't be supervising lots of baggage as well as a madam. She'll have her own backpack to put her toys and things in for on the train, but I'll still end up with all sorts of extras, I can tell.

 

I also need to sort out our picnic for on the train. I do love a good train feast and I tend to end up feeding madam almost continually as it keeps her occupied and stops her whining! Lots of sandwiches and some pasta salad are in the offing along with crisps and fruit and probably some form of biscuits...

 

There may even be cake.

 

I also need to remember to take lots for us to drink as I always seem to be really thirsty on trains. Shame I can't take booze, but being pissed in control of madam just wouldn't work. Neither would a hangover in the morning! And I'm guessing lots of diet coke is also out as it'll just make madam want some...

 

I am mainly excited about getting to see friend L and her vast baby bump tomorrow, but madam has now told me for the hundredth time that she's excited about going to see daddy... I know, I know that's the way it should be, but it is infuriating. Especially as she's told me she doesn't need me to be her mummy whilst we're at daddy's.

 

Yeah, thanks for that...

 

Today is also my mum's birthday and I will be playing taxi for her and dad when they go and see younger brother at the restaurant where he's sous chef in Hull. It's very nice, it has to be said. Mum made bro book it and just told my dad he was taking her. I like her style! 

 

Also, dad has bought her a spa day which she's taking the day before their hols so she'll be all primped and pampered and ready to go. Lovely, *not jealous at all face*.

 

I wish I was going somewhere nice and warm for a few days. I don't need hot (I don't like hot) and I don't want more than a few days as I just want a bit of a change of scene. Ooh, I could go to Barcelona. I've been once and really liked it. Obviously that'd probably be too hot at this time of year, but I think I could forgive it that for the amount of stuff there is to see and do... I'd also like to not take madam, but that really is just wistful thinking!

 

 

 

And I could get the chance to go back to the Sagrada Familia as we didn't get any time to go inside it when I was there last. It's a truly awe-inspiring building, it'd be fascinating to go inside. I shall be avoiding Las Ramblas though, far too many pickpockets!

 

So this is it, the monumental centenary post. I hope it was worth it!

 

an embarrassment and some thoughts on babies

 

 

I actually am not sure where this post will take me. I've been thinking about lots of things and it remains to be seen which will come to the front of my mind whilst I type!

 

I am hoping not to ramble too much though... I had a slightly embarrassing incident the other day and it keeps making me feel guilty, so quick confession whilst the mind focuses on something.

 

The other day I was downloading a free Neil Gaiman short story for my Kindle and it contains an extract from his new book. I clicked on the link just to read the blurb and then madam managed to click on the download option and sent it back to the home screen before I could cancel the order!

 

Now, it's really not that I don't think I'd enjoy the book, but I wasn't planning on spending £8.99 on a kindle book! So I put out a help message on twitter, cause there is always someone who knows knocking around... And bless him, but the lovely Neil Gaiman actually was the only one who responded to tell me what to do!

 

Sooo embarrassing! I feel awful about it. Though I am currently reading Neverwhere because I enjoyed the radio version so much. I also have two more of his books on my "to read" pile. But it feels like a bit of a slap in the face for him! *cringes*

 

You're all thinking I'm an idiot for being worked up about it, but I really respect the dude...

 

Sadly, my mind has now decided to go blank in regards to actual things that I might want to write about. Oh, except himself is messing with my mind again at the moment.

 

He is being thoroughly lovely to me and has put some money into my account so I can hire a car and travel down to Bristol to go and see him (and friend L who is having her twins on the 29th May!!!!). <-- Sorry, excessive use of the "!" there, but I'm so excited that I'll be there when she has them!

 

He's been being reasonable and thoughtful. He actually tried to make all the arrangements himself and then realised I'd need the card I paid with when I collected the car and that wouldn't be feasible... He's been being really helpful and has actually put money into my account so I can sort it out myself. *cries*

 

I am worried now that if I am actually in Bristol with him my defences will come down again. You have no idea how good it feels to have us all as a little family. But arrrgh... I don't want it any more :(

 

Or do I? Could I forgive him? Would all my friends and family just disown me for being a complete sucker if I did. He will *always* have that hold on me. And I still like him as a friend. He is still funny and sweet and can be so useful and helpful. And he really isn't that hard on the eyes...

 

No, must resist...

 

And I sure as hell DO NOT WANT to have another baby with him. (If I say it loudly I might believe it). Seriously, I don't. I can't be a single parent again. I have so much respect for anyone who does parenting on their own, it is ridiculously hard. Why I would choose to make it harder is beyond comprehension. I struggle enough with my one madam.

 

Anyone who knows madam, and I love her so freaking much, knows that two of her would be beyond most peoples capabilities! And I know if I were to have another baby whilst I'm still so financially unstable is just completely crazy. I completely believe that choosing to have another baby when I'm already relying on other people (like, the government) to support the one I have is selfish. 

 

I cannot support madam without tax credits and income support. And my parents. How could I justify another that I won't be able to afford? And himself is unlikely to suddenly wake up and become an actual, helpful, live-in dad.

 

Though madam's heart would break with joy if he did come back (if I let him). She will never not be a daddy's girl. I can tell.

 

 

 

She and I actually have whole discussions about why daddy isn't allowed to live with us. And then yesterday when I was telling her that we were going to see daddy at half term she asked if we would be staying there forever. I obviously had to tell her no. And asked her what would happen to all her stuff if she did that. She said she didn't want stuff, just a family.

 

Heart. Small pieces.

 

How is she so perceptive sometimes? She is driving me crazy asking me to have a baby brother or sister for her... I have told her that just can't happen unless we live with the daddy of this famous sibling she wants. Hence why she wants to live with her daddy, I guess.

 

At least I have persuaded her she can't have a big brother or sister at last... (maybe).