Lifestyle - School Days

I have started my new job and it's going really well. There has been a slow start for us whilst we have got everyone up to speed on what's going on. The new school building is still being built and will hopefully be ready for us to move into in the New Year.

Week one at work was taken up with lots of training activities. I have done restraint training, positive discipline, lesson planning, safeguarding and something else that I have forgotten the name of! We also spent time trying to make our temporary accommodation look like an actual functioning school. The building used to be a behavioural unit so was sort of set up how we needed it, but they had just ripped out a whole load of the fittings and we needed to cover some rather large holes in the walls!

This week (week 2) has seen the students slowly starting to arrive. One year group at a time. Year 8s on Monday, 9s on Tuesday, 11s on Wednesday and 10s on Friday. The reaon the 11s came in before the 10s is because they go on placement for Thursdays and Fridays. This means that tomorrow (Monday) will be the first day we have all four year groups in at once. 

This could prove interesting, that's for sure. The break times are set up so there are only two year groups mixed together at any one time and they are not consecutive years so they hopefully won't fight too much... We've only got the four years as we're in too small a building to fit any more. 

My group of year 10s is made up entirely of boys and there is another all boy group as well as an all girl mixed group of 9s and 10s. (Confusing, I know). I have 6 in my group and the others have 7 each. We are what is known as an Alternative Provision Academy (APA) and are the largest in the country with roughly 60 students. This is not full sized. We will have 150 altogether at the new site and will range in age from year 6 (10-11yr olds) to the year 11s (15-16). 

So far, my lads have been very sweary and pretty offensively racist but have behaved themselves and got on with all their work. They are in  school setting so they are working towards their GCSE exams although the government only asks us to give them English and Maths we feel that they need more than that to become valuable members of society.

In the new build there will be provision for lots of vocational work including a hair and beauty studio, joinery, mechanics bay and various other job specific areas. They will all be taught to drive a forklift before they leave school as well (!)

Yes, this is a bit of a promo piece about my new school, but I'm really proud of what we're trying to achieve with these kids that society has already pegged as no hopers (one of the lads in my class is very bright, just hates school). I hope that in my role as their tutor (they're counted as my class) I'm going to be able to help them at least start to believe there is a future for themselves and they won't just be another generation of kids who grow up on an estate, get into trouble and go to prison. 

The schools official website is aspirehull.com check it out and see what you think.

Love, Pearl. 

  

Lifestyle - Honeysuckle Farm, Hornsea

I have taken some more photos of Spring flowers to add to my collection of signs of spring, but I shall restrain myself for today as there were loads to add to this post already! (I collaged them to save space!) 

Yesterday (26/3) madam's school was closed due to the teacher's strike. So we decided to take advantage of the situation and go and visit our local farm. This is one of our favourite days out and we try and go a couple of times during their short opening season. 

They opened this weekend just gone (22/3) and they will close on the last day of the school summer holidays. Meaning madam cannot have her birthday party there no matter how much she wants to! Anyhow, we had avoided opening day as we thought it would be stupidly busy and had planned a visit this weekend coming. Having to find something to do on Weds led to a rather easy choice. 

We decided that we would try and make it in time to see the milking demonstration. This is at 1.30 and we don't usually make it in time! This is cause we usually go after lunch. Madam and I petitioned to be allowed to have a picnic this time and this meant we set off early enough to get there...

When we arrived we were impressed with the new entrance and layout of the milking area. Madam wriggled to the front and then ran away back to my dad as everyone shouted good afternoon to the dairy hand! She's a wimp with loud noises. The guy was really good, very informative and pitched it at the right level for the 5yr olds to understand what was going on. 

that's the Pearl parents getting their heads in all my photos!

The woman behind me that was surprised that cows needed to have a calf to provide milk made me rather depressed. She was a teacher... FFS! Also, the guy that asked why they only used female cows... (really. Really!)

After the milking demo we let madam loose in the barn to play on the hay bales, we also saw the rabbits, guinea pigs, kids and goats that live in there. We wandered round to see the pigs in their new enclosure which now has space for them to root. They were having a famous old time in there. 

Rabbits, pigs, madam taking it all in and the goats with their kids.

The red squirrel and the *massive* carp in the pond were all hiding out of the cold weather (don't blame them!). But what we came to see were the lambs. And there were loads of them, everywhere! So cute! We found a field with sheep who were still waiting to lamb and one of the farm hands explained that the different colours told you how many lambs they were having. Yellow for 1, Red for 2 and Orange for 3! 

So many sheep! 

The lambs once born all had matching numbers to their mothers and madam was rather thrilled to see a pair together! We did see lots of other things too. The calves and cows were in one field and horses in another. Everywhere there were beautiful primroses in bloom and we saw loads of frogspawn in the ponds. 

There weren't as many ducks as we've seen before, but many more chickens! Tommy the horse was pulling the cart for the rides and Tinkerbell was in the stalls getting her feet seen to by the farrier. I didn't get a photo of her though, sadly. 

Tommy in his finery, an all-over blue/green mallard, the herefords and madam in the car on the way home!

All in all we had a great time as usual and it's a fairly inexpensive day out. I think my dad paid £15.50 for all four of us. We will be back again at the end of the Summer to see how much everything has changed in those months. Madam would go every week if she could! There are loads of play areas dotted about and you can feed all the animals as you go round.

It's definitely a favourite place of ours, do you have anywhere you go all the time?

Love, Pearl.

   

no, not a job, a career

A view you can't get tired of.

My job hunting has been slow and steady. I have applied for a couple of things and had a consultation or two with the National Careers Service who have been really very helpful and pointed me in the direction of all sorts of things I didn’t know about. I have one application in at the moment that I am really quite hopeful about.

I have applied to one of the local schools as a Cover Supervisor. Which is a job that I don’t think existed when I was at school. It involves working within the classroom and also in other roles around the school. For example, supervising detentions or sitting with someone who is in isolation for whatever reason. I could be helping with after school activities, going on school trips as an extra body, all sorts really. But the main idea is that I cover for any teacher who needs to be out of their classroom for a lesson or so. I deliver their lesson plan and mark any work etc.

It’s a bit like being an in-house substitute teacher without having to be an actual teacher. So I can totally apply without a teaching qualification. I had a right stress about filling the form in as I am incredibly bad at selling myself and feel like an idiot when referring to myself in the third person. But my stressing worked in my favour as I got the end date muddled and handed in the form before the deadline which made me feel better.

The main reason I am so excited is that I think I actually match the person specification really well. I even had some of the desired skills as well as all the essential ones. I have to wait until the 20^th Nov before I know my fate as if I haven’t heard before then I know I don’t have an interview. But if I don’t get one I fully intend to find out why not as I think I am a good candidate. And it would be handy to work on something to help me in the future rather than dwell on disappointment.

I have seen another couple of teaching assistant type roles, both of which are in the SEN area. I would find this a really interesting place to work so am applying even though I know I don’t have the correct experience. They can only say no, after all. I also have a new plan to get some school based experience with my local LEA. I have finally finished updating my CV and will be sending that in to schools along with the correct form they would need from me already filled out (Giz a job!).

I am still really keen to find a job that would allow me to use my listening skills as I do enjoy that type of work and have been looking at both school counsellor and education welfare officer jobs. The former seem to be as rare as hen’s teeth and the latter doesn’t appear to be a need locally. Sucks. But perseverance is the key!

On an unrelated note, it's Children in Need in the UK and madam is going to school in her pyjamas to help raise money. She thinks this is a great idea and I am quite happy to donate a pound for the privilege. They work they do is inspiring and although we haven't directly benefited from their UK work I have friends who have.

In Hull they support both the C.A.R.E. project and the Visually Impaired Cricket Team. The former is somewhere that I would really like to be part of and work for. 

Oh, and one final thing. Hull is up for the UK City of Culture 2017 finals. There is a film that has been produced to back the bid. It makes even me feel incredibly proud of the city. It is time good things happened there, they have been waiting for a chance and this could really be it. The link to This City Belongs To Everyone is here for some reason it won't let me embed the video... 

The whole of the city is getting behind it and there was even a point where #HullYes trended in the UK on twitter because of it. That's us winning the social media battle, lets hope we win the title!

fudge making and other stuffs

Today I 1) feel like I look in this flattering photo and 2) wish I was still at home in my amazing warm dressing gown!

 

 

I have set up madam's outfit blog, you can find the first post at this link: A Dizzy Fashion Story: Skele-fun. As she has birthday in 3 sleeps (the countdown of sleeps is literally the first thing she says to me when she wakes up!) this weekend's post will probably be her party outfit. I have bought her a body glitter stick, which, thinking about it, might have been a foolish plan!

 

I made fudge with my dad yesterday, this is because, despite having attempted to make it twice, it has failed both times. I found a recipe on this lovely blog and it had really good, clear instructions. Now, my dad is a chemist, he is trained to follow instructions precisely, how he has failed twice is beyond me!

 

So, I put myself in charge and followed the steps as laid out on the blog. My dad had to help with the final step, my arm was starting to drop off after so much beating of the cooling mixture! But we got something that looked a lot like fudge at the end of it. And, it had actually set mostly by the time I left to go to the gym! Given his last batch didn't even set up when mum shoved it in the freezer I think we can call it a success.

 

By the way, just how do you achieve that? It wouldn't even freeze?! I will admit that I don't think this version is perfect. Even though I thought I had melted it all down properly when we were beating it I noticed it was still a bit grainy, like not all the sugar had properly dissolved. I'm pretty sure it will taste okay, even so...

 

I also finally got rid of madam's old bed yesterday. It broke ages ago and then my dad took it all apart the other week whilst H and I had fun with the We Watch Film guys and watching Labyrinth. The pieces have been stacked up in madam's room ever since. Along with all the packaging for the new bed. But now it's all gone and no-one has to negotiate large cardboard box in the hallway! Result. 

 

I *didn't* get any more crochet done though, which I had planned on doing yesterday evening. I mainly messed about on Fruit Ninja whilst sort of watching Batman Begins and Casino Royale. The latter made me extremely late to bed and I had to really force myself out of bed this morning. Although, madam still beat me on the not wanting to get up stakes. And she went to bed at 8pm!

 

I might try sending her a bit earlier tonight as I am having so much trouble getting her going in the morning. We were actually late for school this morning. Despite living about a 10 min walk from the school gates. We didn't leave the house until 8.45, which is the moment when her class usually goes in with their teacher! I am a stickler for punctuality and her being late winds me up no end. And I have no idea how to improve it. I can't dress her, she's too old. I can't make her hurry up, she doesn't seem to care. I have tried threatening to send her in the nude, but she knows that's an empty threat as she has to be in uniform... What do I do? I can only try making her get up earlier so that she has more time to get ready. But then *I* have to blooming get up too. Urgh :(

 

I might actually have to go to bed at a reasonable hour myself! Ha ha!

 

Today I am mainly spending doing blogging and some research for a future post (I know, so not like me!) also I need to order my tickets for this months Classic Movie Tuesday (Ghostbusters, FTW!). I need to get maps from the Tourist Information centre so that I can start planning out a route for the Guide treasure hunt thing. Also, need to think up a prize for them... At some point I might even do some more crochet. Madam is proving far too big for the pattern I have and I keep having to increase things! I did buy an extra ball of yarn, so it's not too much of a problem. Though I have realised the colour is pretty much the same as her school uniform! Oops. Good job she likes burgundy...

 

I also, at some point, need to wrap madam's presents (including the ones from V and her dad) and on Thursday I'm cake baking/decorating! I have bought some really pretty candles which are supposed to burn with coloured flames, so we shall see :)

        

I officially have the skills

Yesterday was quite good, really. Given that it was a Monday, anyway!

 

I took madam to school in the morning as usual. She did wake up and tell me school is boring which is the first time I've ever heard that from her! Didn't stop her scooting to school like a mad thing though.

 

After dropping her off I headed for my mum and dad's to go grocery shopping (the glamour). We headed to Morrison's and I tried to remember all the things that were on the list I had carefully left at home. I bought madam and I a chocolate apple as this is my new favourite thing to get as a treat for her on a Monday after school.

 

We did start off with toffee apples, but apparently madam doesn't like those :(

 

After shopping we headed for college where I picked up my certificate from the counselling skills course I finished in May. I had been beginning to worry about whether I was ever getting it as it had been so long with no word!

 

When I picked it up I also asked about my portfolio as I hadn't been contacted to collect it and had also been expecting that back. The lady behind the desk said she'd look into it for me and I did get a phonecall letting me know it was in my tutors office and I could collect it whenever.

 

 

 

Obviously, I haven't got it yet as getting up to the college is a bit of a trek and I only went yesterday as I got a lift! So lazy. I shall probably head up tomorrow morning as I get more stuff done when I just get on with them straight after I've dropped madam off!

 

I went home and had lunch, went to the gym and picked madam up. She did her now usual trick of being a monumental pain in the bottom and got sent up to her room to cool off for a few minutes. This cooling off period after school seems to be quite important! She is really tired and cranky at 3.30 having five minutes to herself seems to really help her. But she wouldn't just go up there if I asked her to.

 

For dinner we voted for fish and I decided to do a crumble. I have to say, I think I outdid myself this time! It was so good. I made chocolate, cherry and almond for a bit of a change. I had a tin of cherry pie filling that had been sitting in the cupboard for a while.

 

So, as I was asked for a recipe last night, here is how I made it.

 

First, pour tin of filling into pie dish.

Weigh out 3oz of self raising flour and 1oz of cocoa powder. Add in 2oz of cubed softened butter and rub the ingredients together until it looks like breadcrumbs. Then add 2oz of sugar (this is more than I would normally put in, but I didn't want the cocoa to be bitter). And I chucked in a handful of flaked almonds as I found some in the cupboard! Mixed it up a bit and put it over the top of the fruit.

 

I put it in my oven at about 200 degrees C for 20 minutes, the smell in my kitchen was amazing! And it tasted pretty darn good, too ;) 

 

 

 

  

and breathe...

Hello, my friends! I am still feeling wiped out so I shall try not to ramble on too much.

 

I had a good evening as madam seems to be back to sleeping well. She went to bed on time without too much of a fight as well. I wasn't sure if she would as she hasn't done anything to tire her out. But I suppose she must be feeling like me and just feel drained by the whole experience.

 

I've sent her to school this morning and will pick her up at lunch time as I don't want her to over-tire herself. She was really pleased to be going back this morning and I have wrapped her in plenty of layers so that she doesn't get cold. Not that I am being a panicky mummy or anything, oh no...

 

But I just have that image in my head of her gasping for breath (bit like my dad's fish did in the summer...) and I know that they would never let that happen, but it's one of things that I can't un-see. And I will always be more aware of what could happen. The school told me they would check on her at playtime (remember how good playtime was!) and let me know if she looked like she might be struggling/tiring. No one has rung and playtime must be about over (it's 10.30am *now*) so she must be ok :)

 

Being protective mummy has meant I made her wear her hat and gloves to school, she also has on the lovely padded jacket that friend E passed us down from her little girl. I did iron in a name label, but I hate doing it onto fleece as it always ruins a little bit of it. Never mind. One small patch of non-fleecy will not affect her at all, just me and my perfectionism that don't like it!

 

I want to put her gloves on elastic as it makes life so much easier, but last year she just kept pulling them out of her coat and refused to wear the elasticated ones... Her independent streak can be infuriating! But I shall consult with her and see if she'll let me this year. They're really nice fleece lined ones and I don't want her losing them.

 

I got the new issue of Simply Crochet magazine yesterday and I have been prevailed upon to make the little fox purse out of it for a certain someone! I think I might make the granny square scarf for myself (though maybe substitute the pink) as the scarf I started I'm not sure I like as much as I thought I would... Although the scarf/hood on the cover is quite tempting too!

 

I keep looking at the time as I'm paranoid about picking madam up! It's not even 11... Might just go to Boyes and look at yarn first ;)

 

the happiness hamster!

 

 

  

Hedgehogs and Gromits

I saw the cutest baby hedgehog today (Thursday) when we going home after madam’s teddy bears picnic. It was such a surprise to see it wandering around in broad daylight that it took me a moment to work out what I was seeing.

I took a few photos as I happened to have my camera on me. I don’t think you can tell how small it is! And we did manage to stop madam from picking it up for a cuddle…

 



 

 

 

We came home to find the DVD I’d ordered from Amazon had arrived so I spent the end of the afternoon and early evening educating madam on the joys of early 80s Christmas TV! And I have to say the Box of Delights pretty much stood up to the repeat viewing. The special effects were a bit creaky, but other than that the story stood the test of time and it was just as absorbing as I remember it.

Madam was slightly freaked by the opening credits but the actual program content was nothing that she was bothered by. She was a bit fidgety, but I did make her watch all six episodes back-to-back!

I have my first review at the gym tomorrow. Will be interesting to see how it’s gone for the last 5 weeks. I have been finding it pretty easy to stick to and am hoping for some inch loss if nothing else. I think I’ve lost a couple of kilos, which is not too bad, given I haven’t been on a diet with it…

Mother is going to have madam whilst I’m doing my bit. Her plan is to take madam to the park and run her around for as long as she can bear it. And then hopefully madam will go to sleep on time. This is because himself will be arriving later…  

We’re going to Bristol this weekend. I am actually quite looking forward to it. Not the whole spending time with himself bit, but the being back in Bristol. I do love it as a city.

And this time we’re going on a Gromit hunt. There is an exhibition called Gromit Unleashed and there are 80 models around the city for us to find. I am not convinced we’ll manage even half of them, but we can have a go J We’ll be outside in the fresh air, and when we searched for toads a couple of years ago in Hull we had such good fun.

I have pictures of madam with all the ones we found and am planning the same with the Gromits. I’ll have to post some when we’ve done. I’m desperate to find the strawberry one!

 

I told you I went shopping and I am planning on wearing some of the new clobber for my hols (cause I see it as a bit of a holiday). I get to see lovely L and her kids, the twins are 3months old already! I am looking forward to much baby smushing and cuddles. I love seeing her older boy playing with madam, they get on so well. Well, for the most part!

And as L has moved house she now has a fabulous park just around the corner for us to sit in and watch the kids playing. I love going to see her as she always makes me feel so much better. Like I can do anything. Like I am in control.

I do wish I lived down there. I’ve been starting to think I may never get my life back on track until I can fend for myself again. My parents are amazing and I would not be where I am now without them. But I feel like a child having them help me all the time. Like I am not my own person as they still have so much influence over everything I do.

I love them so much and I don’t like the idea of living far away from them. I get terrible homesickness. But I need to make a move for me. I need to strike out on my own again. Something I have always failed at doing. But I am a parent, and I have to provide for my daughter. Even if all I manage is some form of work experience somewhere away from here.

The only issue of course is that now madam is at school we’re much less flexible. Perhaps I should look at doing something in the next summer hols. Find a project for us to participate in. But I have to be far away and I have to get along by myself. Does that make sense?

I have a need to get away from all the safety and security that surround me. Because I think I am stagnating and I don’t have the drive to push myself out of my comfort zone. Madam going to school will be something of a push as I will have all that time to myself.

I am hoping to get some work experience organised in the local high school for myself come the start of term. I am really keen to do it and I need to kick myself up the arse and get it organised. I’m hoping if I can get the experience it’ll start to help me build my confidence. I need to trust in my own abilities again.  

shop til you drop and never be boring

I decided to give myself a couple of days away from blogging as that last post kind of got a bit intense.

As it turned out I was so busy on Tuesday I wouldn't have had any time to even attempt to squeeze out a post. The reason? I shopped! And I really hit it, madam and I had a whole day in Hull so that I could go round everywhere I wanted.

 

I started by taking madam to the cinema for the kids showing in the morning. It was The Croods, which we have actually seen once before, but she'd loved it so going to see it was still a treat. We then had a slight bus fail in that the first stop we waited at was only served by buses in the evening (there was no signage at the stop, and I'd been told they were every 15 minutes).

 

So we had to walk over to the big Asda nearby and got on the first bus that came past. This bus was also a bad choice. We went around all the estates in that part of the city (Kingswood, Bransholme and Sutton Park) and then finally into the city centre.

 

By which point madam was ready to eat her own arm so we headed straight for lunch. We probably both ate twice as fast as normal! Never mind... So then I got to shop :) I went in the first shop and there was so much stuff I liked it was a bit hard to know where to start! I did steer myself away from the beautiful formal dress that had a butterfly wing print on it. But it was hard. I also stepped away from a cute owl print dress that I wasn't sure about the colour of.

 

But I did find a beautiful purple jersey dress that had only come in that morning. A couple of pairs of leggings as mine are all very tired. A pretty, dark blue top with a bird print. Then we moved on. I took madam into Princes Quay and promised her an ice cream from the shop she likes.

 

Sadly, their freezer was broken and they only had some mango sorbet, which madam didn't fancy... So she was dragged around the shop I wanted to go in in there with the promise that the very next thing we did would be find her that ice cream.

 

She amused herself by trying on some very large bras and rearranging their sale footrwear! I got a pair of slouch jeans that are ridiculously comfy and may be my favourite pair of jeans ever! They're not very smart though (obviously). And I picked up a set of bracelets that were in a half price basket by the till. They were prices at £12.50 but went through the till at £3! Bargain.

 

 

 

The only place I could think of that would definitely have ice cream that wasn't too much further was Thornton's. So we sat outside in the sunshine and at large and drippy cones :) It was good...

 

I then wandered along to New Look in the hope of finding another cheapo watch. But they didn't have any. Madam mainly tried on handbags and cuddled the legs of some of the mannequins! She's a bit odd, that one!

 

I took her into a memorabilia shop as I wanted to get her something wee for behaving so well for me. But it was all just that bit more than I wanted to pay, or inappropriate. Though she was really desperate for me to get her a Wonder Woman teddy thing. Too expensive, and she does *not* need any more teddies!

 

So we went to HMV to see if they had a cheap DVD she might like. And they did! She went and chose Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, without any influence from me. I found Willow so we got that as well :)

 

By which point we were exhausted and headed home for tea!

 

Yesterday, we went to the local Freeport in Hornsea (an outlet village) and got madam some shoes for school. And my dad bought us an ice cream (it's been a bit of an ice cream week!). I also got handed a bag and told I'd bought dad his Christmas present. Which was generous of me...

 

Today we went to a Teddy Bears Picnic at the Country Park. We were lucky that the weather held out for us this week, as last week's Butterfly Safari had been a washout. Madam did some painting and she had her face painted. She insisted she needed to be a purple cat. With pink details. She didn't want to be boring...

 

 

 

There is never any fear of that with madam around! We ate our picnic whilst watching the puppet show and then because we were both quite hot and weary by this point (there wasn't very much shade where we were) we decided to pack up and head back to my parents to give the car back. We did force ourselves to have an ice cream to cool us down on the walk back to the car though...

 

So, what have you been up to?

 



a review of my life now

a laptop and a coffee cooler, this bloggers essentials (though I only get to drink those when I have enough money!)

 

 

Today is post number 150. Its been making me think about how much this blog has changed since I started it. I started initially in the midst of a depression. I was unhappy and feeling so low and quite worthless. I was living in the most awful mess and worrying constantly about it.

 

I was facing some horrible truths about my life and self and I just didn't know where to start or how I would cope. But I have been doing. And though my problems are still not completely fixed and my house is still something I battle with, I feel much more in control of my life again.

 

The blog has become less about deep and meaningful thoughts and more about things that I have enjoyed. And I'm proud of that. Proud of where I have come from and that somehow (with a lot of help from my lovely friends and family) I seem to be getting my life back on track. I can now start planning the next phase of my life. Because I seem to have been on pause for a rather long time.

 

It also seems to have become somewhere for me to share my various craft projects and current obsessions. (Don't forget, I have a book on Celtic Crafts to get through :)).

 

Currently, madam and I are watching Lilo and Stitch on a daily basis and madam asked me yesterday whether her family is broken, I had to tell her that, yes, it is.

 

 

But I told her that really family is about the people who love you and who care about you. And I told her that she had so many people who loved her very much that she was going to wish it was smaller soon enough!

 

And we are going to be ok. The separation we had from K for all the years he was in America was very different from how the situation is now. But we're moving forward. And the more I find myself again, the less he bothers me. I have always known it was his loss that madam and I were his cast-offs, but it was hard to remember sometimes when we were having a particularly bad day.

 

But many things have changed. Madam has grown so much in the last year at school (and not just upwards). She is still as insanely annoying as she ever was, but she is much more able to apply herself to a task and she's learned to show her compassionate side more often.

 

She still has her insatiable curiosity and her complete inability to listen to a word I say...

 

And once she is at full time school come September another new phase of our life will start. I will have to be much more aggressive about looking for work and more realistic about where my life is really going. We still may or may not be moving house at some point (the court case has still not come up). But I am not as afraid about it. I feel more like I will cope with it, whatever happens.

 

I am not as out-of-control as I was. And I have been off my medication for a while without bad things happening to me! I am starting to be able to look forward to where my life might go rather than being afraid of the unknown...    

 



making madam over

New day, new post. We *finally* got round to getting madam's school jumpers sorted out for September. This whole task has ended up being more complex than you would have thought. We'd been told many conflicting bits of information about where and when we could source them but success is ours. Two jumpers, £2 each. Get in!

 

I was asking madam if she was ready to be a big schoolgirl now and what would she be wearing to her new school (she's worn a mix of uniform and her own clothes to nursery).

 

She told me she needed her grey skirt, white top, new jumper, grey socks and school knickers (no, I'm not entirely sure what "school" knickers are, either) and a bow in her hair. Because *all schoolgirls have bows in their hair, don't they, Mummy!* Umm, if you say so... I'm not sure how we're going to achieve this trick with her hair still being so short. After the infamous nail varnish incident which I can't believe was actually 3 months ago already!

 

And after that incident, and the one where she covered herself in my eyeshadow you'd think she'd have learnt to just leave things alone. Especially as she gets in so much trouble after them! But no. Last night she stole my nice new lipstick and coloured herself from head to foot in a dark pink shade. And it took two baths and a lot of soap to scrub it all off again.

 

apparently last time she used my eyeshadow as a lipstick and then some lipstick for random colourings...

It makes me laugh that she complains about the scrubbing when I wouldn't have to do it if she would only behave herself... I'm also *really* hoping that we'll move out of this phase soon. She seems to have been colouring herself in for years... I have to keep reminding myself that partly I should be impressed at her inquisitive nature. But mainly it's still really annoying!

 

I have given myself and mother a new project to get ourselves involved with. Madam is going to a Fairy and Pixie day at Burnby Hall and part of that involves a costume competition. So yesterday mum and I bought three different colours of netting to help make said outfit :) I am quite looking forward to getting to do a sewing project with my mum, we've never done one before.

 

Speaking of sewing projects, I haven't actually progressed with any of my other plans, which is annoying me. I really want to at least get the pieces cut so that I can get on with the sewing asap.  

the return of the parents

I appear to have woken up today to the news that it's July already. That can't be right, surely! This year is going by so quickly, which is a silly thing to say really as it's all relative. I just can't quite believe we've got to the second half of the year already. I just am feeling rushed, would anyone mind if I just had another go at June?

 

Although today being the first of July does mean that my parents are home from their holiday! And they have brought home lots of interesting stuffs :) This is my favourite part of travelling, all the new and exciting things you discover. My dad has even brought home a massive dragon shaped kite!

 

 

 

It's lovely to have them back and to have someone else to help me with madam again, especially as I decided not to send her to nursery because of the big bandage! She'd be driving me crazy by now, but is instead driving my parents to distraction by "helping" with the unpacking instead! ;)

 

They brought her lots of presents too! She got a mouse, bought on the train as a "get well soon" present, who is now called Lorelai after the part of the Rhine the train was going past at the time! The mouse has been getting into all sorts of mischief already, including trying to eat the cheese that we had for lunch and playing hide and seek with madam and my dad whilst mum and I went to Morrison's.

 

 

 

They have also brought some clothes for her to grub around in over the summer holidays. But the piece-de-resistance is the flamenco dress that they got her! It's officially an age 12 (!) but fits her pretty much perfectly. And it's fabulous. Madam is so taken with it she was trying to persuade us she could wear it to go and pick up the take away later with my dad!

 

 

 

We've persuaded her to put it away and save it for best, or at least for times when she isn't going to ruin it! She's decided to debut it for her best friends birthday party at the end of the month. And it will make the best party dress...

 

I'm suspecting there are some sweets tucked away for her somewhere too!

 

I'm still feeling somewhat wiped out by the weekends exertions so it's nice to be able to have a fairly relaxed day with my folks. And you have no idea how glad I was to have the car back again!

 

Mum and I have also started plotting expeditions to take madam on during the summer holidays. We're trying to decide if madam will manage to get up to Whitby as it's quite a long drive for a small child to put up with. She's not too bad at travelling though, so I'm hoping we'll be able to give it a go. Apparently mum had said we could go to the sealife centre in Scarborough at some point as well...

 

I'd just really like it if we managed to get more dry days than wet!

 



Ice cream can cure anything

I gave myself a couple of days away from the blog as I had been starting to get a bit stressy about it. The need to blog is still there but I was thinking that I didn't really have anything to say and was possibly boring everyone.

 

And then I remembered the blog isn't really for anyone but myself. Yes, it's great that other people read it (and I wish more did), but I started it to help me process my thoughts. And I still need to do that. So the days when what I write is mainly just a diary are just as important as when I find something important to mull over.

 

As I've said before, the act of blogging on an almost daily basis is actually something I didn't believe I would keep up for a month let alone the near enough five that I've been active.

 

I do find some days harder than others, but I guess that's to be expected and I shouldn't worry so much if I do miss a day.

 

The reason it makes me worry is because of my tendency to avoid things. Once I've let it build up to two or three posts missed then it's far easier to keep not writing than to force myself to start again. A vicious circle of my own making.

 

And with that I shall start this post properly. I've been counting my blessings this afternoon and feeling very grateful for small things. This is because madam hurt herself yesterday and gave herself a good battering down her right hand side. I didn't really have anything that worked as a good kiddie curative other than good old fashioned hugs and kisses. And she was very brave, it must have been really sore.

 

So today as we walked the long walk to school from my parents house I promised her that, if she continued to be good at school too, she and I would go for an ice cream after school. And she was a good girl all day and it was really warm, so ice cream it was.

 

We went to Rolando's which is just behind madam's nursery and has just started selling gelato... And oh my goodness was it good! They had a good selection of flavours including one made from their famous almond biscuits. Think friend V may need to try that one...

 

 

 

Madam went for the blueberry (because it was purple) and I had salted caramel and liquorice! Those are two separate flavours, because otherwise, ewww! They were all very tasty and I was quite glad we'd remembered to give it a go. We will also need to go back and check out more of their flavours over the course of the summer... I think I'll go for the pistachio and the chocolate next :)

 

 

 

Madam wants to try the hazelnut (or the banana, or the vanilla, or the maple pecan, etc, etc!). It's a shame they don't sell the gelato out of a van on the westwood like Burgess of Beverley used to do. Be really good to stop off and buy one whilst on a yomp with madam.

 

Yesterday, before the dramatic injury, we had gone to what will be madam's school in September to try on some of the sample jumpers they have in the office. It was also a bit of a ploy to help madam acclimatise as she is still not entirely sure about going up to big school. And she was scared by the sheer amount of children who were running and screaming and jumping all over the place... But she got over her timidity soon enough (as usual) and found one of her friends to play with.

 

She was thrilled to find out that that friend is also in the same class as her. They were making mischief just in the playground so I'm hoping their teacher is as good as people keep telling me she is and can control them. Apparently there are 25 children joining the school from madams nursery alone (out of an intake of 60) so she's going to know almost half the yeargroup!

 

She seemed to quite enjoy the quick visit and is now really excited about her visit next weds. I was a little annoyed the school were trying to persuade me into buying a school cardi for her ("Almost all the girls wear them, you wouldn't want her to feel left out") given that they're more expensive than the jumpers. And knowing madam, she'll want to be different from all the other girls if she gets the chance!

 

Madam is definitely not someone who likes to blend in...  

is youth ever wasted?

I was saying yesterday on Twitter that I feel like I have something in me that is pushing its way out and needs to be said but that I don't have the words to phrase it yet... I spent most of last night trying to pin down what it is that's hovering there under the surface. What is it that I'm not telling myself. And why am I hiding from myself now...

 

And it wouldn't come. Though I was replying to a comment on yesterday's post and I couldn't think of how I wanted to phrase what I was saying (and I'm not entirely happy with what I did write), but something did trip out there that sort of made sense.

 

I was saying about how in your own head and your own world your life is so sad and horrid and problematic (slightly worried as "Everybody Hurts" has just come on in my iTunes mix *my computer can read my thoughts!*) and you can't see the woods for the trees. And then you watch the news and you realise that your life is so small and your problems are miniscule compared to someone else's.

 

But it doesn't stop it from feeling that way. You can only live the life that is in front of you. (That was the phrase that struck me, by the way).

 

And I thought of how selfish I am. Why is my life more important than theirs? Because its mine is the obvious answer. You have a very protective streak about the things that you own/care about.

 

I've always thought of myself as a compassionate person, I have always tried to see things from others view points. I have always wanted to help people fix things and to be there for them when they need it. I think that the world would be a much better place if we all just accepted that people are all different and unique and that accepting those differences as standard rather than being something that sets people apart would make us all a bit happier.

 

Cause I couldn't care less about who or what you are, you can be my friend as long as you are prepared to accept me for who and what I am. People are all the same. And being different makes us unique and interesting.

 

I was never a herd animal, even at school. All the sheep who all wore the same clothes and wanted to blend. Wasn't for me. But I didn't really fit my chosen group either. I only occasionally wore the all black (it doesn't suit me). Instead I had the same style of clothes, but in every colour of the rainbow. I rather famously wore bright orange Doc Martens for most of my days after 15. I also had some rainbow dungarees (yes, dungarees, this was the early 90s) and I wore them all. the. time!

 

I was the one who whilst wearing my regulation school uniform of navy blue also had jade green tights and the orange docs on. My parents (apparently) got phonecalls about my lack of respect for full uniform! I *never* knew about that until recently. See, my parents are cool really.

 

I'd like to remind everyone who's known me long enough to remember how strict my dad always was with me. How did I get away with that?

 

I was told off in sixth form for taking liberties with the colour code that was in place. I was asked to stop wearing one of my skirts because although green was allowed they preferred not that many shades of it in one garment. (yes, really). They let the blue tie-die trousers slide though. I actually remember getting an award at the end of sixth form for being thee most fashionable person!

 

I maintain it was tongue in cheek, but beggars can't be choosers!

 

I really wish there were more photos from our youth around. I have a couple, which include the rather lovely V and L (not the one who had twins. Twins! *squee*) Sadly I am not wearing anything particularly exciting in either of them!

 

 

 

I didn't listen to the same music as the rest of my group either. Being that I have been in love with Michael Jackson since I was 10. I did, from 14-17 listen to almost entirely nothing else. I know all the songs inside out and backwards. I am a massive MJ geek and am (finally) not ashamed of it. Anyone who ever checks out the photos I've liked on Instagram will be aware of my obsession still going strong!

 

God I love that I can fangirl happily away on Instagram...

 

Ugh, now I'm thinking of MJ and that it's June. It'll be 4 years on the 25th. I still haven't watched the tribute that friend H recorded for me. I can't bring myself to. My heart is still too broken to try.

 

I'm not sure if I've mentioned before that I used to draw. That was my crafting outlet as a youth. Well, you can probably guess what I spent most of my time drawing. I am very proud of the fact I can still knock off a recognisable MJ at the drop of a hat (Ha! Pun not intended.) but some of my old artwork is actually not that bad.

 

 

 

I miss drawing. But I don't have the ability any more. I'm not sure why. I used to be able to spend hours trying to perfect the likenesses. I lost my patience for it, I guess. I have been thinking of it more and more recently, so maybe it's time to give it another go...

 

I have drawn madam a couple of times, just quick sketches that I haven't been completely happy with. But I think I could really make a good go if I really tried. And in case you're wondering, no I don't really draw other things. Always people, usually faces. Unless madam is making me draw her things to colour in... Or I'm doodling for t-shirt designs ;)

 

Well, this post still hasn't solved that roiling feeling inside. But it's quite enough from me for one day...