Books - A Full Set of Happiness

So, you remember how I said I got some new books the other day and I said how I had my eye on two more that would complete the set? Well, my friend Tabatha tweeted me the other morning to tell me she'd ordered the books I was after from The Works. Then she sent me this:

@p_gen_says Ordered them from The Works website. Knit was £4.99 and crochet was £5.99 but then got 20% off with code SPRING20 xx

— Louise Z (@tabatha_tweedie) March 14, 2014

I mean! How could I resist, so I didn't! And they arrived yesterday (prompt service, The Works, well done!). And I unwrapped them in all their polka dotted loveliness and, obviously, took a photo! (Bloggers are weird creatures).

Knit and Crochet Step by Step

I then spent a happy afternoon reading them and learning an awful lot more than I thought I would! Who knew there were *quite* so many cast-on techniques for knitting! And I discovered that the stitch pattern I used for my hat and scarf set is called Tiara stitch! 

The books are just as good as I was hoping and there are a few projects in each that I want to have a go at. And then I put them all on my bookshelf with my other craft books :) I am such a dweeb I rearranged them a couple of times to get the colours the way I wanted them! 

Pretty books all in a row!

The only downside to all of this (other than my bank balance) was actually The Works website! I have to say that although I put one book in my basket with no difficulties the second increased in price when added. I had to take it out and put it in a couple of times. And do a different search to get the price it was actually displayed at! (No, I did not feel like paying £5 more than the advertised price!)

And when I checked out I couldn't use the reward card that I had just carefully registered! It wasn't even an option. Why give them out in store, make you register them online and then not let you collect points online! Stupid. 

Don't get me wrong, my addiction to The Works is still in place and I will definitely be shopping online with them again. Just, could someone clear up the glitches on the site, please!

Have you got any new books recently?

Love, Pearl.

Being Creative

I can't believe it's March already... It seems to have flown by. I guess that's what I get for being actually quite busy... I was rather enjoying the start of spring yesterday, the nicer weather and the flowers suddenly appearing all over was quite a nice change from the dismal grey of the last few weeks.

Yesterday I also came across a new blog that I rather enjoyed reading. It's called being little. and has lots of loveliness on it. I did spend quite a while reading recent posts... But it was actually yesterday's post that really struck me. 

On it was a list of Creative Prompts for March. The idea is to draw something every day that fits the prompt. Now, I do love a doodle, and the typography ones are right up my street, but I think I shall have to use my own creative urges to fulfill some of the briefs! For example, Day 1 was pattern. I would normally have drawn something, but my latest crochet project took up all my time yesterday and is a pattern, so I used that!

I have no idea why the bottom of this photo has disappeared :( And the colours are *much* brighter IRL

I am trying to make sure I put all my projects on to Ravelry, with photos, so if you want to know what I'm doing on there why don't you follow me and check out my other projects :)

Today I had to draw the contents of my bag, so I did a rather poor sketch of everything I carry around with me all the time... I confess I forgot to draw the eyeliner and mascara I have in the little pocket, but I'm hoping no-one will hold that against me! I also took a photo of everything together to prove I had got everything.

I am a walking advert for the loveliness of paperchase things! Also, if you look carefully at the clouds notebook you can see a madam artwork peeking through the clear  parts of the cover :)

So, I am going to keep going and see if I can do everything on the list there is a Twitter/Instagram hashtag to follow if you're interested to see how everyone is getting on... #BLCreativePrompts there are already some pretty amazing things going on out there and I am excited to be part of it.

Are you guys doing anything exciting at the moment? Let me know...

    

Reading Challenge - February Update

This month I have read a lot less than I did in January, but I have still managed to squeeze in a reasonable amount of books. Mostly, I have been crocheting this month and wrote about that in my last post and I have multiple other crochet projects on the go as well.

I started a cushion cover last night, after having crocheted a large granny to make the basis of the blanket the Guides are doing as part of their latest challenge. The large granny I designed to look like our company necker, which did make it a rather boring/tedious make as it's pretty much all burgundy...

It's already got a couple of friends, but eventually will be part of a cushion cover. Really love the colours together!

Anyway, back to the books. This month's book from The List was The Shipping News by Annie Proulx.

Now, this is a bit of a slow burn of a book. I ended up really quite enjoying it, but it does have one of those annoyingly long preambles before the good stuff starts happening. The main character is a bit of a wimp of a guy as well. One of those anti-hero types. The action takes place in a remote part of Newfoundland and mainly centres around a tiny community newspaper being run on local issues. 

The shipping news is the section of the paper our hero writes and it leads him to many different stories about the local fishing heritage, the boats and the culture of a place that is slowly changing and modernising. It also features a lot of people eating cod cheeks. Ick.

It kind of is a bit like a written soap opera as it is about the daily life that surrounds you. The things that make up the everyday can be the things that are the most interesting. The story, obviously, is driven by the series of events that happen around our central figure. He seems to be one of those people always in the wrong (or right, in terms of the story) place at the wrong time. 

He becomes involved in a murder mystery, he is part of an ancient dispute with members of his own clan, he falls in love. It's all told gently and over a period of time. And I quite liked the way it flowed. I can also see why you might completely hate this book. The main character is not really that likeable, it is set out right on the first page.

I'm not sure that I have become a devotee of the book, or even that desperately keen to read other books by the same author, but I liked it. It was worth the time.

I have also read a Georgette Heyer for my sort of subsidiary challenge and really enjoyed the one my mum picked out for me! She does know my taste so well. I think I even preferred this to last months. I found it really quite funny and it had a mystery running through it which is always right up my street. Really recommend that one if you haven't read it. 

I have a much shorter list of books read this month, but here it is in full:

1. The Shipping News by Annie Proulx - 31/1/14 ~ 11/2/14
2. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins - 28/1/14 ~ 6/2/14
3. The Colour War by Jodi Picoult - 7/2/14~7/2/14 (really short book!)
4. The Reluctant Widow by Georgette Heyer - 12/2/14 ~ 26/2/14

And that was it! Though I have been reading 12 Years a Slave for what seems like forever too... That'll show up on next months list. I have chosen next months book and am looking forward to starting it as I've read and enjoyed the author before. I have next months Heyer picked out too...

My Reading Challenge is inspired by essbeevee's books are amazing monthly feature. This months is all cook books! Heaven.

Raspberry Ripple Crochet

This month, although I have still been motoring on with my reading challenge I have also been getting on with some crochet for myself. I got hold of some lovely yarn in Boyes the other week with the intent of making myself a new scarf. The yarn is King Cole Galaxy DK in Pink Tourmaline and is lovely and soft and sparkly. 

Not entirely sure why I chose such a bright shade of pink, but the black helps to make it less in-your-face and I am glad of the cheerful shade on miserable days. 

I spent ages on Ravelry looking at scarf patterns and found one I quite liked which had been invented from a hat pattern the writer had previously made! I did look at making it and then at the last moment spotted a pattern in Simply Crochet issue 4 called Raspberry Ripple which just seemed the perfect thing to go with the yarn.

I got out hook and yarn and set to it straight away. I found the project grew quite quickly, but getting through 2 whole balls of yarn still takes time. The pattern is a pretty fan and mesh design which, when I finished, I decided to add tassels to the ends of. 

I was so pleased with it and still had two balls of yarn leftover, so I decided I could make a matching hat. Going back to Ravelry I came back to the original hat pattern that had inspired the scarf I liked (this is so much more complicated to explain that it is in practice!)

The pattern, Urban Jungle, is finished off with a rather cool star shaped top and it made me think if I could maybe use the pattern but with the fan and mesh design rather than the puff stitches of the original. 

Are you keeping up with all this at the back? Not sure I am anymore...

Anyhow, I cast on, using a slightly smaller hook than recommended as I had a lighter weight yarn than suggested. I crocheted the band exactly as stated in the pattern and then, after crocheting a foundation row of DC (SC to our American friends) moved in to the mesh and fan design I had used for the scarf. I had somehow managed to make the hat exactly 3 times the pattern of the scarf. Genius. So I crocheted away, joining my rows, but turning each time to keep the pattern correct. 

I have ended up with a slightly weird bit up the back, but as my rows started and finished on the back seam, which you don't see when the hat is worn, I just went with it. 

The other adjustment I made was to not make the hat quite as long as the stated pattern. It says to crochet until 12" from the bottom of the band, but I stopped at 10" as I was happy with the amount of slouch that gave me. I then had to make a solid band around the top so that I could use the star shaped closing that I was after. This meant I chained and slip stitched all the way around once and then did a row of DC into that.

Yes, this is really out-of-focus, it's not your eyes!

I then followed the pattern to the best of my ability (it's a bit fiddly/confusing to me at that point) and have indeed ended up with a star closure :)

Sadly, it doesn't show up terribly well on the photos I took... 

But, there you have it. My new hat and scarf set :) Now, I am just working out if I could get some mitts out of what I have leftover...

  

A busy old week so far

Well, hello! How are you? What have you been doing with yourselves? I have been all over the place in the last few days! I shall begin at the beginning and see where we go from there.

First of all, I finished the other mitten! Here it is, complete with fastening sewn in place. Cute, no?

As mentioned in my post from the other day we went to the panto on Monday. We set off fairly early on Monday morning so that we got a bit of shopping time in before having lunch. This was quite painful as madam and I have been enjoying our lie-ins whilst we've been on Christmas holidays. But we knew we would be getting back in to it with school starting on Tuesday anyway.

So, madam and I did a bit of shopping around York and got my mum a magazine with a free sewing pattern that I thought she would like. We also got madam some Frozen stickers to go in her new album. She has not stopped talking about Frozen since we went to see it with the Guides in the middle of December. And I still love that it contains a song that references fractals :)

We did end up in the Disney shop as well, somehow... I managed to drag madam away and we went and looked at pretty shoes in Schuh for a bit before heading over to the restaurant where we were meeting my parents and younger bro for lunch. 

Having lunched hugely on risotto and ice cream we headed to the York Theatre Royal for the panto to start at 2.30pm. Madam was so excited and I was a little worried she'd fidget. But I should have known better. She sat through the entire first half completely glued to what she was watching and with her mouth open like a fish! 

When the first half finished she looked devastated whilst I took her to the bathroom. I managed to find that this was because she thought the show was over! I promised her there was another half to come and reminded her that Grandpa had foolishly promised her an(other) ice cream! She perked up rather a lot at this prospect!

The second half brought more fish impressions and another sad face as the panto finally drew to a close. Her favourite thing had been the Gene Genie and the bit where they had gone into a filmed section and one of the characters had ended up upside down in a bin. She chattered about it non-stop on the bus back to the car-park but was so tired by then she just leant on my shoulder quietly on the drive home.

Tuesday was back to school day and I also had to go and sign on. I went round to the folks to get myself ready for the Jobcentre. It always makes me feel like I've done something wrong. I got to my appointment a few minutes early but then had to sit and wait, and wait, and wait! I was kept waiting for nearly 45mins which is not good when you're already feeling kind of anxious. 

I ended up having a half an hour or so consultation when it was finally my turn. I am looking to change my job search as I am not finding anything really to apply for. They offered to sign me up to a (and I hate this title) Fast Track 2 Work course. I, of course, said yes. I'm all for a course :) The drawback is that it is in Driffield and that I had to have a one-on-one interview before being accepted. Again, in Driffield. 

And that is what I did yesterday. I got my dad to give me a lift (aren't dad's great?) and went for a chat with the lady that will be running the course. She had also come in from Beverley to chat to me (ah, yes, bureaucracy is stupid). Anyway, we drew up a learning agreement and I told her, honestly, about the things I find hard about job searching (the forms, the phonecalls, the lack of self-worth!). She has promised she can help. Excellent. So I start this course next Tuesday (14th) and it runs until 4th Feb.

Today is the first day I have had to myself this week, I am quite enjoying being back at my fave cafe nursing one bottle of diet coke for as long as possible! They know me quite well, they don't mind!

And how is my reading going? Quite well actually. I have already read 3 books this year and am about a third of the way through an actual Georgette Heyer. I'm just starting another on my Kindle and will hopefully get that finished shortly. I think this is setting itself up to be a reading year. In the same way that last year was all about the crochet and the year before was knitting! 

I seem to only obsess over one thing at a time...     

A mitt of crochet (sorry, not sorry)

I decided to finally get around to my new crochet project last night whilst I watched Pitch Perfect for the hundredth-odd time. I have been meaning to start it since I got Issue 13 of Simply Crochet Magazine last month. It came with free silver (coloured) fasteners to use with the project and they are dead cute which totally made me want to make them even more!

How the mitts look in the magazine.

I read the pattern and realised that the finished mitts would be too small for me. I umm-ed and ahh-ed for a bit trying to work out how I would make them big enough to fit me and my man-hands. I came to the conclusion that if I used a larger hook and followed the pattern as was that would be the easiest way. I just hoped that would work. 

I had found some DK yarn the other week that I had thought would be perfect for the project. I have used it before in different shades and know it is a slightly thicker yarn than some other DK weight yarns. This would mean that using the bigger size hook wouldn't leave me with less warm mitts.

That's madam's lovely patchwork blanket the yarn is on. 

The yarn is a James C. Brett Marble in shade 21 which is a lovely grey/teal combo. I made madam a lovely cardi in a pink/grey colourway when she was 2.

Ahh! I miss that hair...

I found the pattern easy enough to follow though when it switched from back and forth to in-the-round I got a little confused, but figured it out after a little puzzling. Not sure it could have been written more clearly, think I was just being dim... I still haven't got that much experience in pattern reading for crochet.

The whole of the mitt is worked in Double Crochet (dc) which makes it good for beginners. I did find I got a bit lost with how many rows I had done whilst working in-the-round, but again, that's just me and not a fault of the pattern.

From start to pretty much finished.

I got one completed in the evening so I just need to do the second tonight and I can have a lovely new pair of mitts to wear on our trip to York on Monday :)

    

a work, or two, in progress

I have done it again. I have started another project without actually quite finishing the last one. I didn't used to do that when I first started. So what changed?

Which bit of me is it that is incapable of finishing what I've started? Because it creeps up and attacks me in other areas of my life as well. I am at an international level for my  procrastination, that much has been true for years. But that usually involves me *not* starting something...

I know that part of it is the thrill of the new I think we all suffer from at various points. You know, when you have to wear your new shoes around the house all day as it's the only way you'll get to wear them... But this thing where I'm racking up unfinished craft projects is not my norm. I am the person who read the Silmarillion (yes, I do want a medal, thanks) because I had started it and didn't want to give up.

(I've just googled Silmarillion to see if I spelt it correctly (I had) and apparently they're talking of making it into a film! Why?)

The only book I have ever given up on, in fact, is Don Quixote. And if you are one of the people who thinks it's brilliant, I will laugh. Because I loathed it. I also really didn't like Wuthering Heights, but did finish it. I have read both Shirley and Vilette because I enjoy Charlotte Bronte's writing. Neither of which were particularly fun for me. So this plodding on until I get it finished is actually my default and I don't know how it's got out of kilter.

Or do I? (that was like some terrible TV thriller). I have begun to wonder if I should view it as a good thing. Not because I end up with loads of unfinished things lying around my already untidy home, but because it shows an unwillingness to put up with things.

I have had a low boredom threshold for years and was trained to stick with things until the end and the joys of delayed gratification. But I am older now, and though I am not seeking instant pleasure wherever and whenever, I am not happy to accept being stuck with something I'm not enjoying.

Why should I? I have, after all, taken the bull by the horns and reclaimed my own life because I was unhappy. I even had to convince myself that giving up on the relationship wasn't giving up. It was actually growth. And allowing myself to be in charge of my life rather than a spectator was ok. I still have wobbles where I realise the power of what I have done, or when K *still* calls me his girl (actually, that mainly pisses me off, how has he not got the message yet?).

On a complete side note, my cousin was asking if I was ok and telling me how sorry he was that life was being shit to me. I mentioned that I was feeling stronger and wasn't prepared to be anyone's punching bag. He hadn't known that part of it and has now promised to beat him up when he next sees him. Which I really don't want, but is quite sweet of him to offer! See, I need someone who wants to fight for me, not with me...

Anyway, back to my inability to finish projects. But it isn't even that. Because 9/10 I do finish them. I just have to have a bit of distance to get re-excited about it again. I set myself challenges with some of my projects by going in at a level I'm not really at yet and hoping I can do it. Sometimes it defeats me and I have to back down and do some simple projects to bolster my confidence for another assault at it. This is certainly how I treat my crochet. And I think that might be because I taught myself from books and magazines with no knowledge of what it should look like. 

I was always pretty confident with the knitting as I have seen people doing it my whole life and knew mine looked "right". But crochet? Nope, none of my family/friends did that. I know a lot who do now, but not when I started. I am more bold with my choices but also love trying new motifs. Because they are small you can try out new stitches/techniques in relative safety. 

So I think that maybe, being always excited and on to the next project is helping me learn more techniques. I want to know it all and grow my skills. The only area this falls down is my sewing! I am still lacking in confidence. Right down to the cutting the pattern. In fact, it's mainly the cutting. Once I have the pieces, sewing it together is not too hard. Fiddly sometimes, but fairly straightforward with the machine. And I like my machine, it does what I ask it to. Bonus!

So, this new pattern I got, I might need some help with... But I will do it :)

Moral of the story? Not sure there is one. But a work-in-progress is not necessarily the only work-in-progress. Learning new skills is fun. Learning when to call it a day is also good...

how can a year go so quickly?

I genuinely thought that after madam went to school full time I would get more chance to blog and maybe I would be able to make my blog something really interesting... But no. I seem to neglect it for days on end now.

 

This, I suppose is in part due to just how busy life seems to have become, what with starting to do actual job hunting type activities. But also I think because I am becoming more well in myself.

 

The whole reason I even began to blog was because of my depression and how it was affecting me. I felt like I was hiding from the world and needed somewhere that I could express myself and begin to feel more normal again. And I think it has really helped me. I have learned to be able to look at myself in a different way.

 

But do you know what has really helped? Twitter. Yes, that's right, the worlds favourite micro-blogging site (WTF *does* that mean? It's a chat room for crying out loud...). But over the last year I have met and befriended so many people who show me nothing but kindness and encouragement. Supporting all my endeavours and just generally being lovely. It's the community I always wanted to live in, full of like-minded souls.

 

Obviously, my lovely friends who I have known for years have all been a massive part of it too. But Twitter even comes into that too. We are now more capable of staying in touch than we ever have been before, and we can talk as a group which is *almost* as good as having them all there together.

 

 

It is just over a year since I first came out as being depressed. I had struggled alone for quite some time before then. I am amazed at the difference a year can make. At about this point last year I was sitting crying, almost uncontrollably, in a café. My lovely friend picked me and madam up and brought us to her house for tea. I still can't thank her enough for how much that meant to me.

But now, although my demons aren't all defeated, I'm so much happier. My feelings of being overwhelmed all the time have subsided. I am finding I have some of my confidence back. I have applied for a couple of jobs (sadly, not successfully) and I think I can fight my own corner a bit more.

My beautiful, crazy, cheeky little girl has just turned 5 and I feel like a new start is upon us. I have started making the proper moves to go back to my maiden name. I am determined to draw a line under the end of my relationship. I *finally* have lost those feelings for him that were making that so hard.

I will always care about him. But as the father of my child not a partner. I finally feel free of him. And having my real name, as it were, is going to be a part of that. I feel like, with this blog, I have spent a lot of time giving you progress reports. And having to really think about me, who I am, how things have changed has done me no end of good.

I think that now I am here this blog is starting to go in another different direction. It will always be a place for me to think things through, and for me to ask questions I feel I need to, but mostly it's becoming a crafting type blog! I have another finished project for you to see, but I'll just finish this bit first...

I am so thankful for all your support. Thank you for helping me realise that life is sometimes shit, but always worth it. Thank you for being there, I hope if you ever need me I can be there for you. Thank you to whoever it was who invented Twitter and for it giving me a space to meet people who are just like me, only different and wonderful all at the same time.

(This is a really big, aww, you guys *group hug* type of post!)

So, project! I have crocheted a new hat for myself (I may need to do one for a couple of other people too (that would be one each, not to share!)). The pattern came from Ravelry. If you're into knitting/crochet it is a great site to sign up to... So many patterns!

The pattern I used was one of the free ones that is available. It's called Polar Hat and is by Pippa Wilson. It comes from her blog and you can find it here if you're interested. It's a really quick make, I made it in an evening. It uses chunky weight yarn and an 8mm hook. Her version is a rather fabulous orange, but I chose a James C. Brett marble in shades of purple for mine.

And here it is:

wow, cheesy grin or what!

It has a very small brim that gives it that bit more interest than a beanie. I made mine very slightly bigger as I have a big head! I would imagine that her design would fit almost everyone else though...

Whaddya think?  



fudge making and other stuffs

Today I 1) feel like I look in this flattering photo and 2) wish I was still at home in my amazing warm dressing gown!

 

 

I have set up madam's outfit blog, you can find the first post at this link: A Dizzy Fashion Story: Skele-fun. As she has birthday in 3 sleeps (the countdown of sleeps is literally the first thing she says to me when she wakes up!) this weekend's post will probably be her party outfit. I have bought her a body glitter stick, which, thinking about it, might have been a foolish plan!

 

I made fudge with my dad yesterday, this is because, despite having attempted to make it twice, it has failed both times. I found a recipe on this lovely blog and it had really good, clear instructions. Now, my dad is a chemist, he is trained to follow instructions precisely, how he has failed twice is beyond me!

 

So, I put myself in charge and followed the steps as laid out on the blog. My dad had to help with the final step, my arm was starting to drop off after so much beating of the cooling mixture! But we got something that looked a lot like fudge at the end of it. And, it had actually set mostly by the time I left to go to the gym! Given his last batch didn't even set up when mum shoved it in the freezer I think we can call it a success.

 

By the way, just how do you achieve that? It wouldn't even freeze?! I will admit that I don't think this version is perfect. Even though I thought I had melted it all down properly when we were beating it I noticed it was still a bit grainy, like not all the sugar had properly dissolved. I'm pretty sure it will taste okay, even so...

 

I also finally got rid of madam's old bed yesterday. It broke ages ago and then my dad took it all apart the other week whilst H and I had fun with the We Watch Film guys and watching Labyrinth. The pieces have been stacked up in madam's room ever since. Along with all the packaging for the new bed. But now it's all gone and no-one has to negotiate large cardboard box in the hallway! Result. 

 

I *didn't* get any more crochet done though, which I had planned on doing yesterday evening. I mainly messed about on Fruit Ninja whilst sort of watching Batman Begins and Casino Royale. The latter made me extremely late to bed and I had to really force myself out of bed this morning. Although, madam still beat me on the not wanting to get up stakes. And she went to bed at 8pm!

 

I might try sending her a bit earlier tonight as I am having so much trouble getting her going in the morning. We were actually late for school this morning. Despite living about a 10 min walk from the school gates. We didn't leave the house until 8.45, which is the moment when her class usually goes in with their teacher! I am a stickler for punctuality and her being late winds me up no end. And I have no idea how to improve it. I can't dress her, she's too old. I can't make her hurry up, she doesn't seem to care. I have tried threatening to send her in the nude, but she knows that's an empty threat as she has to be in uniform... What do I do? I can only try making her get up earlier so that she has more time to get ready. But then *I* have to blooming get up too. Urgh :(

 

I might actually have to go to bed at a reasonable hour myself! Ha ha!

 

Today I am mainly spending doing blogging and some research for a future post (I know, so not like me!) also I need to order my tickets for this months Classic Movie Tuesday (Ghostbusters, FTW!). I need to get maps from the Tourist Information centre so that I can start planning out a route for the Guide treasure hunt thing. Also, need to think up a prize for them... At some point I might even do some more crochet. Madam is proving far too big for the pattern I have and I keep having to increase things! I did buy an extra ball of yarn, so it's not too much of a problem. Though I have realised the colour is pretty much the same as her school uniform! Oops. Good job she likes burgundy...

 

I also, at some point, need to wrap madam's presents (including the ones from V and her dad) and on Thursday I'm cake baking/decorating! I have bought some really pretty candles which are supposed to burn with coloured flames, so we shall see :)

        

A Foxy Little Number

Ever since this months issue (10) of Simply Crochet dropped through my letterbox madam has been hankering for me to make her the little fox coin purse featured on the front cover (it is unbelievably cute!).

 

I went out and bought myself some yarn from Boyes as I did want to keep the fox colours as Fox is my mother's maiden name and I have a bit of a thing for them. But you could very easily make it with whatever DK yarn you have...

 

I got home and then couldn't find the box with my crochet hooks in. It wasn't in my pile of crap that lives on the sofa (even after I tidy it all off it resurfaces moments later). It wasn't in the front room that is now kind of my craft room. I did look in a few other places, but no. Yesterday, I thought, well I haven't tried the big storage ottoman which is where the box officially should be. And yup, there it was, in the proper place, no wonder I couldn't find it!

 

I rummaged through it knowing that I have at least one 3.5 hook, but it wasn't there! Brilliant, all that searching and I still didn't have the hook I needed. I gave up and bought another one yesterday so that I could just get on with it. They are only a pound!

 

I started when we got in from school and after doing the first segment twice (I didn't like how it had crocheted up and decided to re-jig the pattern so I could make it more even). I really didn't do anything exciting, just decided to always start the row with an increase and not alternate as the pattern said to do. I found that when I ended a row on an increase and then started the next row with one, one side of my fabric was a lot tighter than the other.

 

By making the increases always at the start (and keeping the spacing to pattern) I solved the problem. It may just be how I crochet, but perhaps worth keeping in mind if you decide to make it yourself.

 

So I made the two sections for the pocket, crocheted them together and started on the flap/head section. It was only when reading the pattern for the head when I realised I had missed an instruction for the pocket.

 

Arse.

 

I went back and unpicked my seam, corrected the mistake by just undoing my ends (I was so glad I hadn't finished the pieces properly yet!) and reattaching my yarn and going form there. Then I re-seamed and added on the head piece.

 

The ears were made up in moments and I added those on and sewed in all my ends etc. I added a cute vintage style button I had for the nose and I'm deciding whether to surface crochet the eyes on as suggested or use some little black buttons for it.

 

I also need to sew in a zip and then he's finished! He is for madam, but I love him so much I really want to keep him! I am also very tempted to give him a Sir Didymus style moustache and eye patch! Maybe if I make one for me I shall do that :)

 

For madam I might add on a strap so that she can wear it more as a little bag as she would love that.

 

And here he is, step by step. I got rid of the photos of the sections I did wrong! These are just what it *should* look like, if you actually read all the instructions carefully! And I don't think you can see where I had to join in the yarn, bonus :)

 

back of pocket

front of pocket

the two halves seamed together (it's invisible from the front)

head section

head attached to pocket

ears to be attached, ends to be sewn in

done!

 

and breathe...

Hello, my friends! I am still feeling wiped out so I shall try not to ramble on too much.

 

I had a good evening as madam seems to be back to sleeping well. She went to bed on time without too much of a fight as well. I wasn't sure if she would as she hasn't done anything to tire her out. But I suppose she must be feeling like me and just feel drained by the whole experience.

 

I've sent her to school this morning and will pick her up at lunch time as I don't want her to over-tire herself. She was really pleased to be going back this morning and I have wrapped her in plenty of layers so that she doesn't get cold. Not that I am being a panicky mummy or anything, oh no...

 

But I just have that image in my head of her gasping for breath (bit like my dad's fish did in the summer...) and I know that they would never let that happen, but it's one of things that I can't un-see. And I will always be more aware of what could happen. The school told me they would check on her at playtime (remember how good playtime was!) and let me know if she looked like she might be struggling/tiring. No one has rung and playtime must be about over (it's 10.30am *now*) so she must be ok :)

 

Being protective mummy has meant I made her wear her hat and gloves to school, she also has on the lovely padded jacket that friend E passed us down from her little girl. I did iron in a name label, but I hate doing it onto fleece as it always ruins a little bit of it. Never mind. One small patch of non-fleecy will not affect her at all, just me and my perfectionism that don't like it!

 

I want to put her gloves on elastic as it makes life so much easier, but last year she just kept pulling them out of her coat and refused to wear the elasticated ones... Her independent streak can be infuriating! But I shall consult with her and see if she'll let me this year. They're really nice fleece lined ones and I don't want her losing them.

 

I got the new issue of Simply Crochet magazine yesterday and I have been prevailed upon to make the little fox purse out of it for a certain someone! I think I might make the granny square scarf for myself (though maybe substitute the pink) as the scarf I started I'm not sure I like as much as I thought I would... Although the scarf/hood on the cover is quite tempting too!

 

I keep looking at the time as I'm paranoid about picking madam up! It's not even 11... Might just go to Boyes and look at yarn first ;)

 

the happiness hamster!

 

 

  

in the quiet of the night

I wrote this last night, be aware, a whole nights sleep works wonders!

 

 

 

I have had the evening pretty much to myself. Madam fell asleep almost straight after tea at my parent’s house. We left her about an hour and then transferred her back to our place. I got her straight into bed and read her a story and despite protesting that she really wasn’t tired after all, didn’t hear a peep from her after I left the room…

 

Not tired though…

 

I was downstairs and on my own by 8pm! This hasn’t happened in like, a year. I gave it a good twenty minutes before I was confident I really could relax. I borrowed the Hobbit DVD from my parents and have been watching that. I’ve also been doing some crocheting so I’m feeling quite calm and relaxed.

 

I’m making a scarf, not sure why. Just felt like it. I’m trying to practice joining the motifs as I make them so that I don’t have the boring task of sewing them all together at the end. It’s going well so far, I think.

 

I had forgotten just how good it feels to have the better part of my evening alone. Especially as, since madam’s bed broke last week, I have to share my bed at the moment. For the first time in an absolute age I might actually be ready to go to bed before 2am, even despite all the caffeine my mum has fed me today! That woman does like a strong coffee…

 

I have been left with thinking space, though. And once the film finished and everything was quiet then my brain decided to start ticking over. And it’s ticked onto the quietness is bad setting and is now screaming things at me so loudly that all my nice relaxing is being put to waste.

 

So that’s why I’m writing this now, in the quiet and the dark, so that maybe my brain will click off again soon and I might get that restful sleep I so need. I have a feeling I might be out of luck.

 

I have my music on to push the quiet away, and I’m deliberately listening to upbeat stuff, I know what my triggers are…

 

When did it get to be that the quiet was my enemy though? I like peace and quiet and seek tranquillity out for the most part. But now I’m suddenly being beaten around the head with all my negative thoughts and I wish I was somewhere, anywhere, else.

 

Want to know what it is that I’m thinking? Maybe if I write it down I’ll be able to get it to move one.

 

First off, the big one, that hides behind everything I do and is always just under the surface. I am alone. And lonely. The quiet just brings it out. There is no noise because there is no-one else here. I am alone because I was left behind by a man who doesn’t know how to care about me and that I still have feelings for, even though they are fading.

 

Which brings us to: No-one will ever love me because I am obviously unlovable and not good enough to care about. I am unlovable because I am fat and disgusting. I should just hide from the world; it doesn’t need me and doesn’t miss me.

 

I am useless; I don’t have a job or a purpose and make no contribution. I take what the state gives me and I give nothing back. I sit on my arse and I let the world go on without me. Because it doesn’t even need me.

 

I am not good enough. I don’t deserve the good things I have.

 

I was hoping I might think of some ways of arguing with myself, but it hasn’t worked. The voices are too loud and I am too weak. I know – I believe – that my mind is playing tricks on me. But it’s so hard to switch it off… Quick, think of something positive

 

I can’t

 

I really can’t

 

Gah! Think! Positive!

 

This Too Shall Pass

Still I Rise

I am strength and resilience…

I am loved.

 

 

 

 

 

And so to bed.