it's not the same now.

I mean that in the sense that I can't imagine what my life would be like without madam. It's not the same as it was before and I miss some of the elements of the pre-child days, but I wouldn't change it.

Who wouldn't want to wake up to someone that's really excited about the day? I have days when she's the only reason I bother to get out of bed. I find her boundless energy absolutely exhausting, but I need it to keep me going. She chivvies me along, she gives me that unconditional love only children can, she makes me smile. 

She also drives me absolutely crackers! She is unendingly curious about the world and can't keep from getting herself into trouble. If she can reach it she will investigate (destroy) it. She loves making things her own; this means she writes her name everywhere or just plain doodles all over. The door to my dining room has some little orange people on that refuse to be cleaned off. She's fiercely independant and doesn't like to have anyone help her with anything. This is definitely great in some respects but a nightmare in others. 

But most of all she is mine. She and I have our shared laughter and jokes. She can bring me to tears by being endearing (or annoying). I am the reason she is here and some days she's the reason I am.

I will admit to wishing I could just "pop" places still. There's no quick trips to the shops, quick visits to friends, evenings out  or unplanned pub trips. 

She gives me new experiences all the time. I get to play again. She keeps me young. She (mostly) keeps me sane.

It's not the same now. It's better.    

Photo by lovely friend V.