Lifestyle - A Garden Makeover

When I did my post about the Liebster Award I had to think up some questions to ask my nominees and it seemed unfair to not answer them myself, too. So here goes:

1. What's your motivation for blogging?

I started blogging because I was depressed and it was to help me organise my thoughts, now I just really enjoy being able to share the things I love with anyone who might be reading! I find it a fun thing to do and it still helps me to focus and clear up space in my head.

2. Is there anything you would change about yourself and why?

I'm not a big believer in regrets, I don't think they serve much purpose and I'm pretty much the same about who I am too. I would like to lose some weight as it's not healthy to be as big as I am, but I do go to the gym regularly and I walk everywhere so I don't count myself as unfit... 

3. What's your favourite book?

Why did I ask this?! I cannot pick just one. But I suppose if I was going to be trapped on a desert island the book I would most like to have with me (other than a book on survival skills) would be Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I've read it over and over...

4. Do you have any pets?

Um, no, but I would love a cat. 

5. Do you have a pet hate?

I hate people cracking their knuckles!

6. Who inspires you?

My biggest inspiration is probably my mum. Yeah, I know. But I always take her advice and respect her opinion. She shows me the way when I can't see it and she somehow manages to always give off a calm, yet determined, vibe.

Oh, and she smells like coffee :)

7. What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?

You'll never know if you don't try.

8. What would you do if you won the lottery?

Buy the house I'm currently renting and do it up properly. Put in a nice arbour for my new garden. Then I would make sure all my friends had something they needed and lastly, go on a big holiday somewhere warm and sunny. Oh, and I'd give some to a couple of charities that I care deeply about... (MS Society, Cancer Research UK, RSPB, Scope, Hull Animal Welfare Trust and Dove House (and probably a couple of others as well.)) 

9. What's your next ambition?

To have a paid job!

10. What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?

As long as it's got chocolate in I'm usually good! Probably Ben and Jerry's Phish Food...

11. Are you happy right now? 

Yes. And it's been a very long time since I have been able to say that!

So, that is my contribution. I shall now leave the Liebster Award alone and you can all heave a sigh of relief! 

I mentioned in those answers that I have a new garden. What I meant by that is that I have done up my garden to such an extent it looks like a new one! My neighbour and I pruned back all the privet hedging down both sides of the garden. We also got rid of all the random debris that was at the bottom of the garden and had been left by the previous tenant. 

The right hand side, after pruning (basically this was what we did in the morning)

I have no idea why this one is so blurry, and I didn't even notice until after we'd cut all of this hedge back too! (you can see the weird structure that was left by the old tenants too...)

The agency had been meant to tidy that up, but never did.

We trimmed back the hedge at the bottom of the garden and found that there was a patch of actual earth in there. The word garden is probably an overstatement. It's a concrete yard, but much bigger then I had realised! We also sorted the gate so it actually worked as such. It took us a whole day and I spent the two subsequent days with arms that were incredibly sore...

et voila! This is before we sorted the gate, but the garden is unrecognisable from earlier...

I went out on Saturday and got some flowers to put in my new flowerbed and planted them up on Sunday. I have put 2 lupins, a verbena, 2 lavenders and some pansies in :) 

Not the neatest, but it's all mine :)

Now, I just sit back and wait for them to grow... 

Love, Pearl.

in which I read too much into things

I have spent the morning watching YouTube videos. This was not just on a whim but because the first thing I did this morning (after reading the brilliant new post on Hyperbole and a Half) was read an article about an open letter from Sinead O Connor to Miley Cyrus.

 

The two names mentioned together was what drew me to it. I didn't really understand why she might be bothering. The letter, which you can read here, was apparently written as Miley had quoted Sinead O Connor's seminal Nothing Compares 2 U video as the main influence for her newest offering.

 

I read the letter, I agreed with most of what Sinead had to say. And then I clicked on the link to watch the video. I won't say I was horrified, I wasn't even that surprised that it has finally come to a point where a female singer is entirely naked in her own video. But I was so frustrated that Miley had thought it was ok for her young fans to watch that.

 

I can't help thinking about all the young girls, like my own, who will see that and have so many questions. Aside from the obvious "mummy, why is that lady in the nuddy?" and "isn't she cold like that?" that I would get from mine, there are so many things that older girls will have to think about.

 

I watched the video and clicked on one of the next videos that were suggested. This was the famous "twerking" video. But even that was less bothersome. At least she was (mainly) clothed in this one. I'm obviously more of a prude than I thought. And, genuinely, I'm not really that fussed about what these girls are wearing. It's their body, it's their choice. But I wonder if it really is.

 

Clicking on another Miley song "Party in the USA" reveals a very different image being portrayed and also lyrics that tell of an independent girl attitude about not wearing stilettos to fit in with the in crowd. Brilliant, this is the kind of song I want my daughter to be listening to. And that was how it started. Clicking only on videos that were suggested I had a look at some of the female artists that are out there at the moment.

 

My daughter is suddenly very aware of the outside world and is starting to be aware of "cool". There are girls at school who talk about different singers than she's ever come across. I clicked on Jessie J's Do It Like A Dude as it's one madam already likes. She doesn't understand the lyrics (probably just as well) but has picked up the chorus and can be heard singing "do it like a brother, do it like a dude" every now and again. I like the song, I'm not going to lie, that's why she's heard it. But it isn't massively suitable.

 

But at least Jessie seems to be able to keep her clothes on. I looked for more girls and clicked on a few Katy Perry videos. I was trying to stick with pop/urban as that is what is most prevalent. Katy, again, mostly managed to stay dressed in the videos that I watched. Her lyrics are quite clever and sometimes powerful. She talks of independence and making it on your own values. Again, I like. I would like my daughter to believe she is important enough to not allow herself to be messed around.

 

I skipped the Beyoncé section as she watches a lot of those at home. I like Beyoncé, and I like the majority of her music. I like her videos and even though she seems to be wearing less clothes with every album, I'm not too bothered about her being madam's favourite. On to the wonderful Pink and her Stupid Girls video. I have mentioned my love for this video in an earlier post, but it seemed appropriate to view it again now.

 

And she still wins. Feisty girl, speaking about women making something of themselves instead of pretending to be vacuous. I love that song so much for all it says and the humour that she manages to get into it. I also watched a couple of Lily Allen's videos. Other than loving her sense of humour and her catchy tunes I found the song The Fear is another attempt at dealing with what women think they should be. She is so wonderfully straight talking, but perhaps a little too old for my 4 yr old!

 

Lily Allen led on to La Roux. Now, madam loves the song Bulletproof and I have to say that I love the video as La Roux is being exactly who she is. She is very striking and possibly not considered pretty (though, I think she is, but I think Tilda Swinton is and people disagree there, too). But I love that she isn't trying to fit into an image of what an attractive female should be. Because (based on these videos) girls should mainly have "bikini bodies" and be willing to prance about on camera showing said body off. *shudders*

 

Then I watched the Lady Gaga video for Born This Way. I actually had real trouble with it. It's a song that sings of acceptance and being proud of who you are (so far, so good) but there is no-one in the video that would not be considered one of the beautiful people! They are all skinny and, again, in nowt but their underwear. Does no-one ever get cold? I really loathed it. I have trouble with a lot of Gaga's imagery as a lot of her videos could well be mistaken for porn. She wears so little and poses so provocatively. The over-sexualisation of girls is something I really worry about. I resolutely refused to buy my child a tracksuit that had "cute academy" emblazoned all over it last winter. There were no plain tracksuits available in the girls section. They all had a slogan based on attractiveness on. I bought her a boys one.

 

On to Kelly Clarkson, again madam knows one of her songs quite well (it's in my favourite film) but again I'm quite happy with Kelly. Also, I know she speaks out quite a bit on size issues as she regularly gets a lot of negativity for gaining weight. She's cute, she sings about stuff I approve of, she gets my vote. Next up Pussycat Dolls, now I know that they're no longer together but watching their video with new eyes was quite strange. Again, I think that adult women should be allowed to wear what they want and be left the hell alone for it, but little kids look up to these women and I think they should be more aware of their influence.

 

I don't want my child parading around in so little clothes! (prude, prude, prude!) Oh and judging much today, oh yes!

 

On to Cheryl Cole, someone else madam already likes songs by. I only saw one song and it was pretty meh. I found her fairly harmless really. Better than Rihanna who was up next. Now Rihanna. I confess to liking her music, but I don't like her style. I felt nothing but sorry for her after the Chris Brown incident and was cross with her for going back to him. But she really nailed what my issue is. She started out in the Pon Da Replay video as a kid. Wearing her baggy jeans and her beanie hat, like all the other girls she probably grew up around. Now, half naked (or more) in all her videos. Why does growing up, for these girls, seem to equate to an inability to keep their clothes on? What message does that send to my child? Who are all the people around them that are encouraging that image? Why does it sell?

 

I worry for these young girls. How will they feel about themselves when they're older? Oh, and I did watch a couple of Nicki Minaj videos but as they were so lyrically explicit I wouldn't let madam anywhere near them in the first place, never mind her (what seems to be) underwear only policy in her videos...

 

I asked on twitter for sexy singers and was given only one response. Eartha Kitt. I had to giggle. So true, but she was sexy in such a different way. So much less in your face. And I think the world is a sadder place for that.

 

Now, I know that what I would like my daughter to listen and aspire to will be entirely different from what she wants. And it is her right to choose. But I do hope, by exposing her to artists who try and be about their individuality and who want girls to be the best at what they are, she might grow up to hold herself and her own values above what other people tell her to be. 

 

So she does go for that career she wants and she dresses to please herself and not the world. She is smart and funny and I hope she always thinks that those are admirable qualities and never hides her light. 

 

(I am now listening/watching Eartha Kitt on YouTube... I <3 her!)      

memory lane: the musical

I've been thinking about music and the memories it invokes a lot this morning. It's just really been playing on my mind. It started a while ago really. It's all Peaches fault.

 

For those of you who haven't a clue what I'm talking about, Peaches is a song by a band called Presidents of the U.S.A. (there is also a really good song of the same name by The Stranglers) and came out in the mid 1990's. I was about 18 at the time. It was a bit of a novelty record, in fact I didn't like it that much.

 

 

 

But I wasn't really interested in much outside of my MJ bubble at the time. It was a song I remember that my friends liked and that I didn't actively dislike, if that makes any sense. It was one of those songs we all heard a lot. So, you know, *not* a particularly special song for me.

 

And then, I heard it again. Just in one of those slightly random moments that these things tend to happen in. And I could have been 18 again. I could picture us all in Nellie's* pool room. All the gang of us who were always in there, quite a few of whom I haven't even heard of since that summer of '96. And now, I can't stop listening to it. It's become some form of strange lifeline for me. Even madam has learned most of the words (this is not incredibly hard). 

 

But it baffles me that it's this song that does it. Maybe it's because I hadn't really heard it in all those years that it had such a powerful effect. There are so many others that I hold in my heart as special and can take me back to times/places/feelings. Bizarrely very few are MJ songs, I guess because they are so ubiquitous to every part of my life that they don't have that unique pull to a specific memory.

 

I'm kind of doing it now, I have my iTunes playing whilst I'm writing, it's an MJ song at the precise moment (The Girl is Mine, not a favourite) and it's just washing over me really, but the one before sent me right back to being at junior school! That'd be The Proclaimers and Letter from America... I can still see them on TOTP in their foxy jumpers.

 

The Proclaimers were the first singers I remember with quite such a pronounced Scottish accent. I get so much nostalgia going from them and their songs... (I am part Scottish). And isn't it strange how you can recall the words for songs you haven't heard for years too...

 

*Nellie's, btw, is a local landmark. I think I spent pretty much all my spare time there from the age of 16 until I went to Uni. It was dark and small and heaving with the "alternative" members of society. We loved it. We could wear what we wanted with out people telling us we were freaks, listen to music on the rather well stocked jukebox and play pool for as long as our money lasted and we had a drink! The landlady at the time was most insistent on our having a drink at all times and was vicious about catching the underage drinkers. So much so that even once I did turn 18 I had to take my passport in to prove it! I didn't dare even try to get served with alcohol before then... Ah, good times...

 

Oh, and a song that takes me right back to the pre-alcohol days is The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys. I played it every time we were in there!

 

 

how my girly night mutated

I succeeded in my quest to not do anything for madam t-shirt wise last night :) I actually had an evening of doing silly me things that I enjoy. Which is how come I ended up chatting on twitter whilst watching the Goonies and eating M&S caramel pretzel clusters!

 

 

 

 

I watched the Goonies with madam the other day, but as usual was doing twenty seven other things at the same time and therefore didn't get to enjoy this absolute 80s classic. I remember us getting this out the video shop for a birthday treat on many, many occasions.

 

I'd forgotten/not noticed how scary it is in places. But I still giggled at my favourite bits, though perhaps with a slightly more knowing adult sense of humour than before! The bit where "Mouth" is translating for the housekeeper is actually really rude, but I guess I had no concept of a sex dungeon as a youth...

 

How did my parents let that slide, they were always so strict? And I'd totally forgotten the bit at the beginning where one of the Fratelli's pretends to hang himself. Also, realised where that band name came from!

 

It got me thinking about all those favourite films we had from childhood. What made them so good? Are there really no films like that now? Where is this generations Goonies? What are they supposed to look up to?

 

I remember playing at being the Goonies on a treasure hunt over the Westwood. Or just plain being pirates. Cowboys and Indians (sorry, native americans), Cops and Robbers. The whole jumpers for goalposts thing. We were up trees, falling off things, in things. We used to make mud slides (sorry mum) and come home covered in god knows what.

 

And my mother would make us strip off at the back door and go and have a bath. I remember being shouted at. But I also remember we had the clothes to do it in. Playing out stuff, that was meant to get dirty.

 

Now, I got annoyed yesterday as madam came home from nursery with her nice mousie t-shirt covered in clay. I wasn't mad that she'd got it dirty, but that the nursery hadn't made her wear an apron! I'm pretty sure no 4 year old can keep clean near clay, so why were her clothes not protected. I know the nursery has aprons.

 

*sighs* I just hope it comes out in the wash! But if I thought she'd been going to clay herself I wouldn't have sent her in that t-shirt. I would have put her in one that was either already ruined in some way or that was maybe a bit on the small side and I didn't care about so much.

 

I know that madam had told the teacher that I had made the t-shirt for her.

 

But my question remains. Are there any films out there aimed at the kids who actually want to play. Or is it all cartoons for kids? I have no problem with Disney/DreamWorks/Pixar et al but they seem to just make princesses for girls... Though Merida from Brave was at least a tomboy. And Rapunzel sort of saved herself. (She still fell for the handsome thief though).

 

I want girls that get dirty and don't scream all the time. What is with all the screaming? And that have ambitions and hopes. Not to be famous. What is that? How is famous suddenly an acceptable choice? Why is it not famous for...?

 

Where are the kids films where the girls (or boys) are actually vaguely intelligent. And not portrayed as geeks/nerds for being so. Talk about making intelligence a bad thing...

 

I remember loving Labyrinth because the girl in it solved the puzzles that she was pitted against. I liked the Neverending Story because it was essentially about how reading can transport you to new worlds. I loved the Goonies because it was a proper adventure. I remember watching Home Alone for the first time and just being amazed at all the ways that kid found to get one over the adults.

 

These are good things for kids to know! How do they learn their potential if everything is given to them on a plate. If the main aim for a girl seems to be a princess or some form of celebrity.

 

I think Pink and her Stupid Girls song got it frighteningly right...

 

 

 

 

 

 

A weekend of activities

 

 

 

I'm listening to the rather splendid writing soundtrack put together by YellowLittleDragon at the moment. Very soothing... I had a bit of an epic weekend. Need some chilled space in my head.

 

Firstly, the husband had in fact come up to visit. He came on Saturday afternoon and we took madam to Honeysuckle Farm out at Hornsea. And then, because he does actually have seemed to work out that what madam most needs from him is shoes and clothes, we went to the Freeport. Madam needed new shoes as her feet had grown again, so she's got some black patent school shoes and some sandals for if the weather stays nice.

 

Then we dropped round to see older brother (so kind of us!) and had a cuppa whilst madam played on his x-box. We then went to find some dinner and himself took madam for a new summer wardrobe at Asda. She has insisted on dresses (she's so girly in summer) and has now got about 5 different ones and a couple of tops, a tutu skirt and a little shrug.

 

But at least she won't need anything else now. Just hope the weather is nice for a few weeks at least!

 

Yesterday (Sunday) we went to church en famille although madam insisted on me coming to Sunday school with her so we left him by himself for the majority of the service. We then headed into Hull and went to the cinema. We watched The Croods which was really good and very funny. Well, that's what madam and I thought anyway...

 

We then decided on a trip out to Scarborough as the weather was so nice. Luckily madam slept most of the way there and woke up just as we arrived. We visited a couple of K's friends and then popped round to madam's godmother's. We got there just as they were having their tea so only had a quick hello and then we went to have ours. 

 

Forced ourselves to have fish and chips and then we got an ice cream from The Harbour Bar because it's aces. Madam then discovered the joys of the 2p machines and played until she'd won not one but two silly plastic owls. We totally missed the chance to go back and see her godmother as we were so late by that point.

 

She also managed to get a hoody made with her name on it. In rainbow foil letters. With sparkles. *sighs*

 

It's ma-hoo-sive on her (bit like the one she got years ago from Meadowhall when we went with her auntie H) but I'm not worried as she sure isn't getting any shorter. And it means she'll get the wear out of it. It's a fab purple colour, I heartily approve.

 

In fact I think we've avoided pink quite well this weekend. Good going for us, given how she still insists it's her favourite colour. So here she is, modelling it whilst she poses with that gorgeous sunset behind her. I had to make him stop so I could take pictures of it. It was just so glorious, it makes me miss Scarborough so much and so glad I'm from Yorkshire!

 

 

   

Thinking about dressmaking

I have finished off another chapter of my book and am working on the next one :) I'm enjoying this enforced focus on the story writing. It seems to have retriggered my imagination.

I'll post chapter six in a bit. I don't know whether I might take some of the other chapters down. Just have the first one and the current one available. Or is that a bit mean? I do want people to actually want to read the book and if it's just available all the time I think it'll become boring...

I'll leave it as is for now, but will take chapters down after they've been available for a week. So basically, if you do want to read it, you've only got a limited time left :)

I have had to cancel my appointment with the counsellor today as I didn't have anyone to look after madam and I don't have my dad's car to get there either! I really hate that they only have one car now. I completely understand it, and it's so much more practical for them. But now I can't road trip...

And I do like a road trip. Madam and I have had some great trips to see all our friends. My favourite was still the first trip we took down to friend V, across to friend L, and then up to friend H and then home. And we had nice weather for it, the last couple of summers have been a bit, meh.

I will have to plan some train trips for this summer. We are going up to Edinburgh in September, so that at least is something to look forward to. I also need to think about what madam is going to wear now that I've got myself sorted. I have started wondering about making her a dress and then we can get exactly what we want for her. And it'd fit.

The last outfit she got from Monsoon (which is our usual default for fancy clothes for her) was in an age 7-8! It was the right length on her, but a bit big in other places. And because we have to shop in the older section for her now a lot of the clothes are too old for her.

She's only 4, I want her to still be in the really cute little girly dresses that she likes but can't really fit in any more. She's definitely a frillier is better type of girl! I have a lovely picture of her in a party outfit somewhere that is still one of her favourites but we've passed it on to one of our friends. She's a fan of a tutu, that's for sure.

If I made the outfit I could also put her in a colour that really suits her, whether it's in fashion or not. She looks adorable in yellow, but I haven't found anything pretty in yellow for her for ages. When she was teeny she had the cutest little yellow top and leggings.

 

 

This was her in her pole dancing phase... It's not a very good picture of the outfit, but you get the idea, pale yellow and seventies style!

 

So I shall now start browsing some fabric sites and shops and see what I can see... :)

  

how perfectionism leads to procrastination

Yesterday on twitter I saw this picture shared and I loved it so much that I really wanted to share it with you

I don't know where it actually came from, but it makes me feel better :)

 

I don't really have time to write a proper post today, there are far too many things I've got going on. Thursday is a bit of a rush for us. I tend to have a lazy morning with madam and then we have to get ready for her to go to gymnastics at 4 and me to be at college by 6. I just have to drive us from my parents house down to gymnastics then back across town at rush hour.

 

Then I have to go across to the other side of town to get to college (still in rush hour traffic). Now this town is not big. If it was a normal trip each of those journeys would probably take no more than 10 minutes tops. In rush hour they both take a good 20 minutes if not more. This isn't that long, I know. But I only have an hour to do this.

 

And madam's gymnastics quite often overruns. I have to (almost literally) throw her out at my parents and get straight off again so that I can get to college in time to at least get myself a coffee before class.

 

And I'm still behind on my work so I have that to deal with every time I go. I hate knowing that I'm behind. This course is important to me and my hideous procrastination seems to be trying to make me fail.

 

According to FlyLady procrastination comes from perfectionism. Which sounds counter intuitive, but I can understand it. Because you want to do something properly (perfectly) and you don't think you can you put off doing it until you think you can achieve that perfection. And as anyone who knows anything will be able to tell you, the perfect time never comes.

 

So I've decided that I can't keep on making things worse for myself. I'm going to the library tonight and finishing off the work that I have to get done. Then I can have that off my head for the Easter break. I use that time (I really will) to catch up on the worksheets (there aren't many) and my reflections journals.

 

I can't decide whether to print off all my blogs and add them to the personal study part of my portfolio as they are evidence of personal growth and evolution of self. But maybe that's not necessary... I dunno.

 

So my question is, do you think they're worth including or not? 

my mistakes and why I don't regret them

I was reading a blog post last night on 10 blog mistakes that bloggers make and it got me thinking about mistakes I've made in my life. Now I'm not a big believer in regrets and I like to think that we wouldn't be who or where we are now without the experiences we've had. I may not always like where I am, but I wouldn't want to change it because, for all I know, I could be worse off!

When I think about my life and the things I most wish I'd not done the first thing that pops up is my time at university. Now I know what you might think, getting an education is important, helping you form as an adult and helping shape the opinions you carry with you for the rest of your life. And for those reasons I'm immensely glad that I did go. But I have never used the degree that I still haven't paid for.

The student debt is forever hanging over my head and although I'm not in a position to pay it off (or to have to) it's another debt I could be without. I wish someone had been there to explain that I didn't have to go to university when I still had no idea what I would do after I'd left. I wish there had been some better careers advice at school. But I ended up drifting and never quite feeling like I fit anywhere because I *still* don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

This is part of the whole not feeling like a proper grown up thing I have going on. How can I be a gown up if I still struggle with something as basic as what role I want to lead in life. No focus leaves me floundering. I'm aiming for working in a counselling role at the moment, but I'm worried this will just be another thing that just doesn't quite work out.

Most importantly though if I hadn't been to university I would probably never have found the courage to do things by myself. I would never have spent time living in Germany, France and Greece because I wouldn't have had those opportunities. I would be even more of a small town girl than I already am. I might have a bit more self confidence, but I would have lost all those experiences and I would never have met the man who became the father of my child.

Massive arc to follow there, but if I hadn't gone to uni I wouldn't have ended up in the job I had with the person I went on holiday with where I met my future husband. See, mistakes can lead to happiness too.

Which brings me to the husband. Was he a mistake? I suppose I would have to say yes, given how it ended up, but the previous point applies here too. No husband, no madam. And ok, I could have been with someone else who I might have had child (ren) with, but I also might have never found anyone who made me feel like I had been loved. Cause, in his way, the husband does love me. I just don't love him back any more.

My other mistakes are mainly small and consist of me not always being very good at being a friend. I've let friends down (I forgot to go to friend Lucy Lockett's bday party once). I've always felt awful about that, but I think she's probably forgiven me by now (we're still friends after all!). But I think my best and dearest friends are used to me by now. They know that I will (unless I forget) always be there for them. There is no reason why time or distance should put a stop to friendships.

 

My life has been full of things I instantly wish I could take back. But learning to deal with those things and move on is what makes us stronger, better people. I hope that I keep making mistakes and keep growing and learning. It might not always feel great at the time, but it's the best way I know to help you feel alive!