well, that was unproductive!

Today I have sent madam to school with her new Christmas jumper on as it's non-uniform day. The payment was a donation to the Christmas hamper they're raffling off. Judging by what I saw going in to class this morning it's going to be a rather biscuit heavy hamper this year! 

I am genuinely fed up of being ill now. I have had a cold for over a week and in particular a chesty cough. Even though I have had antibiotics for the cough it seems to be getting worse. It's really putting a dampener on my mood. Also, I am constantly exhausted so have achieved nothing in the last few days despite having access to a car :( 

My plan was to dump a whole load of stuff off at the tip and take a bit more control back in my house whilst we weren't living in it. Total fail. I haven't even managed to get to the gym (I should be there right now, but as soon as I start exercising I can't stop coughing (or breathe)).

We have been at mum and dad's house this week as we've been cat sitting for them whilst they've been away. But, due to the storm that's been going on for the last couple of days, they got stuck in Edinburgh for an extra night. This also meant that the stuff I thought I would do last night at home I also haven't done because I wasn't there :( I feel bad for everything getting so behind.   

I was hoping to avoid another bad go with a cold this year after I ended up on pneumonia meds because of a cough. But I think I really am going to have to go back to the docs and ask for further drugs. Though I quite want different ones as these ones have not really agreed with me, leaving me with headaches and other side effects.

I have guides tonight which I am quite looking forward to. We are doing Christmas crafts at the moment and I am quite keen to finish off my Christmas pudding pom pom :) Also, it means the guides will not be too loud and exhuberant! I don't think I could cope with them jumping around too much tonight... 

a rather different weekend than planned

I am exhausted! I have had possibly the most worrying weekend of my entire life and we're still coping with the fall out now.

 

It started off so well. I went to Guides as normal on Friday evening and came back really positive about what we're doing over the next half term. Madam had been coming down with a cold most of the week. Same as ever when we start a new term! I have it as well, she's so good about sharing!

 

Anyway, I came back on Friday evening to find her fast asleep on my mum and the news that she'd thrown up all over my dad. Oh dear. She was prodded and made to wake up so that we could go back to our house. But she made a massive fuss and we decided that if she went straight to sleep we would stay the night. And she did, though we noticed she seemed quite chesty and a bit wheezy when we put her down.

 

At 5 in the morning my mum prodded me awake and told me that an ambulance was coming as madam was having difficulty breathing. I got up and went into my parents room where she was propped up in bed and was obviously struggling for every breath. Not good at all. Mum said she'd got into bed with them and was puffing and panting so much they'd phoned 111 to get some advice. The lady had asked to listen to her and decided to send out the ambulance.

 

And we got two! The first one arrived shortly and explained that a warning light had just come on and that another bus was coming to *actually* take us to the hospital. They checked madam over and put her on a nebuliser and asked her to recite a nursery rhyme to check how she was doing. She sang Humpty Dumpty but could barely get to the end of the sentence without gasping for breath.

 

We got taken into the ambulance (the new one) and blue-lighted to the Hull Royal Infirmary. Madam was a little upset she didn't get the sirens, but we explained they only use those when the traffic is busy. Which it is not at half past 5 in the morning.

 

We got to the hospital for about 6 and were admitted to A&E. We waited there until 9 and then got moved to the children's A&E as that was now opened. From there things moved much faster (the main A&E was stacked to the rafters, bless them, they were so good with her).

 

The children's A&E gave her 10 puffs on a Salbutamol inhaler at 9.15am and sent her up to PASSU (Paediatric Assessment Unit). They assessed her again at about 11.30am and despite the fact madam was leaping about and destroying the triage room the Doctor said she was still really working for every breath and she was given another 10 puffs. We were told that until she could go 4 hours between treatments she wouldn't be going home.

 

So they found us a bed and madam some lunch and we settled down to wait. Well, I did. Madam doesn't understand the concept of resting so went off to cause chaos with anything possible. At 2pm they came back again and decided she needed another 10 puffs. She also got a dose of steroids which apparently, tasted vile (Mummy smirking may have happened).

 

They wanted to leave her 4 hours and said they would come back at 6 to reassess and then we might be able to go home. Due to a bit of a mix up in communication she was given another 6 puffs at about 4.30. We then had to wait until about 8 for the Doctor to come around to her. He said he was thinking that she might need to stay but that with another dose she might be able to go.

 

However, she fell asleep (passed out from exhaustion, you choose) before they could give her it. She was given her 10 puffs whilst she slept and put on a pulse ox monitor. It showed she was still struggling and they decided, to be on the safe side, we should go up to the children's ward and spend the night.

 

As it turned out it was a good job she stayed. They had her on a monitor and I could only watch as her oxygen saturation kept dipping down. They put her on the lowest rate of oxygen. It helped, for a while. And then she needed a bit more help. And then more. They put her back on nebulisers instead of the inhalers and she levelled out when they started her on 35% oxygen. Now, that much oxygen sounds very scary, and fortunately I didn't realise she was on that much at the time. I crept into the bed next to her and fell asleep because I was so tired.

 

Sunday morning

 

 

We were woken at 6am when she had another nebuliser and then... She was awake. And spent the rest of the day causing chaos and getting under the poor nurses feet. We finally managed to get her to 4 hours between inhalers though. They had said that if madam had a nap and they could monitor her breathing then we might be able to go home. But madam refused to settle until after tea. She dropped off for about an hour or so and so did I. Sadly it was too late and we were in for the night. Again. I have to say we both slept quite well. Tiredness overtook us both and we slept pretty much through until morning.

 

So, Monday morning when we woke up she had her inhaler and we were told that we would be going home as she'd had such a good night. Just had to wait for the Doctor to do his rounds and discharge us. We saw him about 10.30am and then had to wait for our discharge letter. But we left about 2pm. We went downstairs to the pharmacy as madam had another inhaler (the Salbutamol one still) to collect.

 

Then we just had to wait for my dad to pick us up. We sat in the foyer for a while and madam ended up wearing my coat and curled up under my chair fast asleep! No idea how she managed that. It was very noisy in the foyer, and I don't imagine the floor was very comfortable!. My dad had to pick her off the floor and carry her to the car. A nurse happened to walk past at that point and I think we slightly concerned her with what must have looked like a collapsed person on the floor. We reassured her she was just asleep and we finally left the hospital.

 

I was so glad to get her home and took the decision to keep her off school again today as she is still supposed to be resting and I don't think school is really the place to do that! She will go back tomorrow though as she has had another good night (and I expect her to again tonight). Her school are happy to give her her inhaler when she needs her dose and I think it'll do her good to try and get back to her routine.

 

I'm not sure I appreciate madam's propensity for being admitted to hospital, lets hope we'll not be back again for quite some time to come!  

in which madam gets surgery!

 

 

*warning: this post has some gruesome pictures in it*

 

Well, the last couple of days have been a lot more hectic than anyone could have anticipated. I went off to guides on Friday night with my shiny new leadership pack and a whole load of shoe boxes (you know, for the guides who don't like crafts).

 

The guides had more fun than anticipated sticking bits of tissue paper onto boxes and decorating them with various stickers and things. But they don't like crafts. In fact they got so involved we were over-running given we had 3 promise ceremonies to get through.

 

Now madam was with me as I can't leave her on her own and she was sticking things on her own box and generally joining in really well, but promise ceremonies are boring if you're 4 and you don't get to be in them. She did start off trying to help me give out the new neckers, but it didn't go too well...

 

So she went out of the hall to play in the foyer whilst we finished off and packed up. She found the tombola that the school had been using for their summer fair earlier in the afternoon and was happily spinning it and being out the way and quiet.

 

And then suddenly she wasn't.

 

She came racing back into the hall saying she'd hurt her finger and I could see it was bleeding and she was obviously in pain. I took her into the toilets to rinse it under the tap and wrap it up a bit. I brought her back in the hall and had a look at what she'd done and had that instant realisation that we would need to take her to A&E because if nothing else it looked like she'd need stitches.

 

The caretaker went to get her some ice to try and numb it a bit for her and then we had to get a lift from my guide leader because I'm still car-less at the moment. This is complicated by the fact that she is in a wheelchair so she has all her stuff on the back seat so she can get the chair in and out the boot easily. So after some re-jigging of stuff we set off for the local MIU/Out-of-Hours service.

 

Sadly, the Doctor who was there said there was nothing he could really do and it would definitely need an x-ray and as there wouldn't be x-ray services there until Monday we'd have to take her through to Hull Royal. On a Friday night. This did not fill us with warm fuzzies, I can tell you. However, I was wrong. We got there to find that we were in the new improved children's A&E section. There were toys everywhere, Shrek 2 on the TV and it was open and bright and completely non-scary.

 

And after a good long wait we were called through and the Doctor sent us for an x-ray. Now this bit, for some reason, was really frightening madam and she was not keen. But she was brilliant, sat really still and did exactly what the Radiographer asked her to (why, why does she not behave like that for me!) and got a sticker at the end of it. They asked us to wait outside for her pictures to come through and then came and gave me the reference form we needed to take back to the Doctor. At which point madam demanded to be allowed to see her special pictures! The Radiographer decided that as it was really late and she'd been so good that that would be ok! So we got a sneak peek and madam was thoroughly fascinated to see inside her hand...

 

The Doctor said that he didn't see a break but that the plastic surgery consultant wanted to have a quick look and would schedule us an appointment. Now I, foolishly, presumed this appointment would be on Monday. I was wrong, she had a look and then asked us to come back tomorrow morning at 9am and could we just wait here to be bandaged and thank you very much. I'm afraid I had a bit of an ungrateful reaction at this news.

 

I have no car at the moment! You want me to come back first thing tomorrow, we're not even from Hull... Consultant said it didn't have to be exactly 9 and did I really have another choice. Obviously, I hadn't meant that we wouldn't come, it was more that it was already gone midnight and I was going to have to spend a fortune getting a taxi home, then pay out for the bus in the morning, and I didn't even know if there would be one to get us there on time.

 

I kind of said no, of course we would be there and that as long as no-one expected us bang on time, we'd be there. We then had another half an hours wait before someone had time to do bandaging and we got a lovely student Nurse who chatted away with madam about nursery and guessed which big school she was going to.

 

This was good as madam was suddenly very afraid that being bandaged would hurt her poor, mangled, bruised finger. But it obviously was ok as she didn't even flinch. And then it was finally home time. Managed to get some cash out and rang a taxi, got home at just after 1am and put madam and myself to bed. She fell asleep straight away but I was wide awake. Until at least 2.30, and then the alarm went off. Ugh.

 

I hit snooze until we absolutely had to get up or miss the bus that I'd managed to look up for us. So we got dressed and came straight out. Having no breakfast as I thought we'd be quite quick and then get something (McDonalds is what I'd promised). I was very glad of that when the Plastic Surgeon said she'd need an op and when did she last eat or drink. The fact we hadn't had anything since the night before meant they would schedule us for as soon as possible that day.

 

a close up of the poor, poorly finger

 

a smiley face to show the surgeon which finger!

 

 

They found her a bed, got her changed into a gown and then we just had to wait. And wait. And then wait a bit more. The hardest thing was how often madam asked for a drink. It felt so mean not letting her have one, but I didn't need us to be rescheduled if I could help it! At about 2 o'clock it was finally time and she went downstairs for her op. They took her into the theatre and I helped to distract her whilst they inserted what they called her butterfly.

 

As soon as she saw it in the back of her hand, she freaked. She was really afraid of what was about to happen and this thing in her hand was just too much. I have to say the Nurses and the Anaesthetician were, again, incredibly good with her and did manage to distract her enough to get her to start breathing the gas whilst they put things in her "butterfly". They made her try and blow up the balloon and obviously that meant she took some good deep breaths and went under in no time. All I could do was give her a kiss on the cheek and leave her in the very capable hands of the Surgeon and his team.

 

I teared up as the Nurse led me to the waiting area because although I knew she'd be fine, it's awful to be so out of control of what's happening to her. I'm actually tearing up again just thinking about how it felt. She was so distressed and suddenly so, so small and I had to leave her. Ugh, horrible. Heartbreaking. I am so glad that it was only a finger and nothing too serious.

 

I sat waiting for about an hour. I really wish I could have sat somewhere completely on my own as having to listen to other people chatting away without a care in the world, including the woman who was discussing her night out in an almost blow-by-blow account even though she didn't want to be indiscreet, was really annoying me. Too many emotions going on to be having to listen to other people...

 

And at about 3 they called me back to come and see her in recovery. She was not a happy bunny and was wailing and asking to go home. But obviously, that wasn't going to happen immediately. She also kept asking to have the "butterfly" taken away.

 

I was a bit surprised at the size of the bandage she was now sporting. She had damaged the tip of her right index finger, I was thinking possibly that they'd strap the middle finger up as well, but her whole hand was swathed in bandages and strapping, except for her thumb.

 

enormous bandage, picture was taken after we'd got home as my phone died whilst we were at the hospital!

 

 

So after returning to the ward and finally getting something to drink and eat, she perked up a bit. And then she perked up enough to start running around like a lunatic again. But she still wanted her "butterfly" out. They took it out just before they brought her some tea. At which point I started to worry that we would be here overnight, but the Nurse assured me that they were arranging her discharge. Then madam decided she didn't want to go home! So, having dragged her over to her bed and forced her to put her proper clothes back on we finally got to leave at 6pm.

 

But I had promised McDonalds after the hospital, and she was desperate for the toy from the happy meal. So we went into town and I got something to eat at last (I'd had nothing all day!). But madam was disappointed as they didn't give her the current toy, it was an old one. They told her to bring it back unopened to get the proper toy. But we hardly ever go to McDonalds as you need a car to get there...

 

Madam also decided to just play with her toy anyway...

 

Kids are so much easier to please than adults sometimes. We have to go back to the hospital on Friday to get the bandages off, but my parents are back tomorrow, so that won't be a problem.

 

I've really missed them this weekend. I've had loads of great support from all my friends and family, but having my mum and dad around for back-up and support would have been lovely. But that's life, and you just have to deal with what's in front of you. Whether you feel like you're heart is breaking or not.  

 

 

 

Things to do in Bristol in the rain

Yesterday it rained. And rained. And then, as if we weren't already wet and miserable, it rained some more.

 

I took the kids to Playspace in the morning and it was an epic endeavour. First of all, because I've only been once and that was 3 years ago, I took a wrong turn. And friend L's little boy didn't remember the way either. So I think we took the longest possible walk to get there.

 

And when we did we had a 15 minute wait just to be allowed in! I was fed up before we even got in there! We stayed about an hour and madam managed to get stuck at the top of the playframe! And as the only place I'd been able to sit was in a side room I hadn't seen and the poor thing had been shouting for me :(

 

One of the people who worked there helped her down and brought her some ice for her ankle. We went back to L's for lunch and then at about 3 headed back to K's to give her some peace and quiet so she could relax and get her head together.

 

Madam insisted that K took us out for tea and we headed for an Italian in the centre of Bristol. She insisted on wearing the very sweet dress that she'd been handed down from friend E. Whilst we were waiting for our food I was trying to get a nice smiley picture of madam, but she refused.

 

 

 

Instead she insisted on doing her best impression of one of the minions from Despicable Me. I later took that photo and did some editing on it with my PicsArt app, and I really like the results.

 

 

 

Sadly the poorly cough she's been working on for the last couple of days has really taken hold now and I fed her full of various remedies before bed. She seems to be less yucky snotty now at least though...

 

Today we went to the cinema to watch Wreck It Ralph which I've (sorry she's) been wanting to see since it came out. We then went to have completely unhealthy KFC for lunch and I let her go to the Build-A-Bear workshop this afternoon. We now have a pink teddy with hearts on her paws and inside her ears. She's called Lovely, apparently!

 

So now we're heading home again. Friend L has just text me to tell me the babies are here! I shall hopefully be getting to meet them asap!  

 



it's been six months already

It appears that blogging keeps me sane. I don't like missing a day, it makes me panicky and stressed. This might not be entirely healthy. But I am off my Prozac which probably explains it.

I decided that I had to just come off it and see what happens. I can always start it again if I feel I need to and at least now I'm less worried about asking for more. But I like knowing that my feelings are all my own again and nothing is being fiddled with.

I think the blogging helps me to organise my thoughts in a way that I'd tried to do by writing them out before. But that never seemed to work for me, and I never seemed to be able to keep it up. This way, where I know people are reading what I'm thinking, encourages me to keep sharing.

I've had a couple of people get in touch to say that this blog is helpful to them in small ways and that fills me with joy. I know it's hard to keep going every day and I know it's hard to understand how other people are really feeling.

I think that being able to share some of the things that lead me to my way of thinking and what the procrastination really is can only helpful. My procrastination is the big curse of my life, but I'm much more aware of what it is and how it's actually a way of helping me. It's just a false friend and I need to learn to conquer it.

Because who needs a friend who helps you get into more trouble but makes you feel comfortable about getting there. Even if I never learn to "just do it" as some of those terrifying really organised people advocate, I do want to change and learn and grow. I'd love to at least get better at the whole organising thing!

The one thing I have noticed is that my sense of humour seems to be coming back to me. I use humour as a defence mechanism and always have done, but having not had a reason to just let loose and have fun I've not been just my usual self for ages.

And it's always when something comes back that you realise that it had gone in the first place. A bit like when I had my breakthrough at the end of last year and spent the night dancing around to very loud music (on my headphones). I realised that in the 6 months since I'd moved into that house this was the first time I'd blasted music and just danced.

I'm a dancer in my soul. I used to do ballet as a child and all the way through my teen years I danced in my bedroom, singing into a deodorant bottle pretending I was on stage in front of a massive audience. I still let loose and sang and danced whenever I had the house to myself right up until when I had madam. Then, obviously, I was never alone.

But I would put the music on my headphones as I walked her round for her afternoon nap in her pushchair when she was tiny. And I found myself dancing around the aisles of various shops mouthing the words only I could hear. In fact I'm doing chair dancing even as I type this!

And when she got big enough that I couldn't even have that headspace whilst she had an afternoon nap (and she stopped going in the buggy by the time she was 2) I danced at night when she was in bed, before I went mostly. I would put my headphones in and some slow songs on whilst I got ready for bed and then by the time I was upstairs and putting my pyjamas on I was on to the fast stuff and a quick dance before bed.

Sometimes that quick dance round my bedroom would last a couple of hours!

And then we moved house and somehow, with all the stress of moving and then himself coming home and then leaving again I lost that bit of myself too. All those little bits of yourself that you don't even know were the things that you needed to keep your sanity...

And I lost them. I lost my sense of fun, my music, my inner voice, my sleep patterns, my vague sense of cleanliness, my hope, my confidence. Just little bit by little bit. And I didn't even notice them going until they were lost. And I was in a café crying because I just didn't know how I was going to get through.

And then I was picked up by my friends, who hadn't known how bad it was. By the medical profession who helped me find that even keel again, by the Citizens Advice Bureau who showed me how to start. And by my parents who'd been worried but hadn't known how to approach me (I can be very stubborn).

So, as it is six months since I started on the road to being me again I guess it's time to start being me. No drugs. Just me.

Hello. How're you?

is it time for a holiday?

I've had no chance to really get online for the last couple of days and it's been driving me nuts. I don't like being kept from doing things, though I was able to focus and catch up with some of my college work that's been dragging.

 

Having had such a stressful couple of days at the beginning of the week madam has been really suffering and not knowing whether she's coming or going. She's been really clingy with me and been worried constantly about my leaving her. She got herself so wound up on Tuesday that she made herself poorly enough that nursery phoned and asked me to pick her up. She was then fine all afternoon until bedtime. At which point she didn't want to be by herself in bed and came and clung to me until she fell asleep on the sofa next to me.

 

I couldn't bring myself to wake when she was so obviously distressed and so she got to snuggle up with me until bedtime. And then cough in my ear when we did go to bed... *sigh*

 

The next morning (Weds) she was refusing to go to school until I pointed out it was joining in day which meant that I would be staying. This was genuinely the only reason she went. I have never, not once, known her to not want to go to school. She loves her teacher and gets lots from the social side of school too. We had a good old time and it was nice to see her somewhat in her element. Even if she was sitting with me more than with her friends.

 

Yesterday (Thurs) just turned into a really non-productive morning followed by a crammed afternoon. We had to race round to get everything to fit into our schedule. Bit of a mare, but I do enjoy it when we have a purpose to our little world. Madam was at gymnastics and has now got her proper t-shirt to go with her big girl class. To say she was proud of it would be an understatement! I went to college and managed to not nod off half way through, which felt like an achievement given how tired I suddenly was.

 

My portfolio is now almost completely up-to-date and I'm beginning to relax a bit about the end of the course coming up. I'm really going to miss having that adult space to think and I'm a little worried that I might experience a new dip in my mood when it does happen. The girls on the course have all become good friends as the course calls for a certain intimacy that might have been uncomfortable at first but has led to some open and interesting discussions.

 

And now we're at Friday again and I'm going to Guides tonight. Hopefully all 10 of our regulars will be there, but it's proving an uphill battle to keep them occupied. They're so negative about pretty much every activity you suggest to them. It would be nice to knock all of their heads together and ask them why they're bothering to come if they're not interested. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to do that though...

 

Today is the International Day of the Girl and I'm hoping we can get the Guides at least thinking about girls in other countries  and how their lives might be different. And hopefully they might see that their lives are privileged in so many ways but possibly poorer in others.

 

Madam and I had fun earlier choosing our Mother's Day presents for my mum, we've also ended up buying ourselves a present too... Oops. I'm very excited as I finally have the original version of The Wizard of Oz on DVD now :) And it was sort of free as I had a £5 clubcard voucher and that's how much the DVD was! Score :) 

   

and the cough goes on...

Gah! Failed to blog again yesterday, this being ill malarkey is getting right on my nerves. Madam and I had a pyjama day and didn't leave the house, which is where the blogging runs into problems as I can't post from home...

 

I'd been thinking on things on Friday evening and had come to some deep and meaningful type conclusions. I talked with my counsellor about how I would feel when I've finally got my life sorted and why it was so hard for me to get on and do it. And we came up with the whole I would have nothing to put in the way of my real feelings if everything was uncluttered/dealt with. 

It's a bit the same with the crap in the living room, all that stuff takes up space and gives me a tiny area that 's actually livable, which is a pain. But I was wondering why I allow the space to get full and how it feels when the stuff isn't there. And the answer is the obvious one, well, it's empty. But empty is so very bad, to me. If there is nothing to fill the rooms with I become this tiny insignificant part of my own house. I am not enough, by myself, to fill a room. So I fill it with so much stuff that I can barely move around it and then I feel safer.

 

You can probably guess that I didn't finish what I'd started in the living room as I slightly freaked out, after my initial joy, and went into a bit of a poorly/panicky place and have done bog all since then.

 

It's crazy how much this cough is getting me down, I routinely have at least one chest infection a year and have done since I was a small child. So coughing is part of my daily life almost. There are short periods in the summer where my cough might clear up altogether, but it's always back before too long just to remind me of its presence. And most of the time it doesn't really bother me. It just sounds terrible. Right now though it's like there are knife blades in my lungs when I cough. And I can't stop so my whole body is throwing itself into the fray to try and get up this stuff sitting in my lungs. Which makes me ache, my shoulders and my back in particular... God, I'm a whiny so and so when I'm ill...

 

I've achieved very little so far today too... We did manage to get to church this morning and I managed to join in with the singing, though much quieter than usual... I also coughed almost constantly through it which elicited many enquiries as to why I wasn't in bed! Oh, how I wish I was, but lying down is making it worse atm, so that's a big old "NO".

 

It's Mother's Day next Sunday and I am hoping for a slightly sticky, very glittery and almost certainly wonky card :) She is a very creative little thing and does enjoy any excuse to be let loose with the glitter. And there are certain days in the year where I totally love it! Is that wrong?

 

    

more tablets

I think I'm a glutton for punishment. Despite feeling really crappy I went to college last night after all. I think this is because I value the human (adult) interaction I get from the classes.

 

I was pleased that no-one in our group was too worried about catching my lurgy, though I did sit slightly more seperate from them than I would do normally.

 

I went straight around to the doctor's at 8.30 this morning and asked for an appointment, which I got for about an hour later. Marvellous. I actually saw the doctor that I'm registered with, which must be the first time in a couple of years! He expressed surprise at my cough and said he thought it was the best one he'd heard in a long time. And althoughI was pleased that he liked the cough I did explain how much I'd like it to go away now!

He listened to me attempt to breathe deeply and decided that the pops and crackles really need to get gone. He's prescribed me some pneumonia strength antibiotics (that are a rather awesome blue colour) and said that they pretty much work on everything :)

 

I then got to go and have a walk in the park with my friend and her two little ones. Mine mainly goes into manic mode whenever she gets asked anywhere so she did keep trying to manhandle the older of the two... We then made her run around on the play area which seemed to work :)

 

We went off for naughty lunch (McDonalds) and madam fell asleep in the car on the way to my parents. I had to give my dad his car back,  after I'd upset his plans by borrowing it in the morning! I'm not sure quite why he was so surprised that I wanted the car this morning, I'd mentioned a few times I was going to the park and I don't know how he thought I was going to get there without it...

 

A case of hearing without understanding...

 

I'm going to Guides later, we're hopefully planning a trip to Cadbury world with them! I've never been, it sounds quite good fun... Now, I better go and drool over the pictures again..

who knows where

Been having a struggle again today as I seem to have reverted to being just as poorly as I was at the weekend. I can't stop this hacking cough and it's making the whole of my chest hurt again. As my antibiotic course is nearly at an end I think I may need a repeat!

I have spent a large part of today asleep as madam has caused chaos around me. She has also been fridge raiding and had a somewhat interesting combination of foods so far. I've not eaten anything, too unsure whether I'll keep it down. I'm also suddenly roasting hot!

I more of my story written last night, but I've lost a bit of focus as to where it should go next.
Basically I've been a bit all over the place for the last couple of days since I was at the counsellor.

Yesterday my mum and I wrote a letter to send to my landlord in the hope that it'll persuade him not to evict me. He lives all the way down in Kidderminster so it's not surprising he doesn't manage the property himself. I've sent it to the lawyer who's overseeing my case and she's approved it. Just need to send it off now. Gulp. This sort of it. If it doesn't work we'll have to move. Again. *cries* I haven't got the strength to start again, I just haven't. And I'm terrified about where we might end up... I'm going to have to throw myself on the mercies of the council. Which could mean I finally get a home with a bit more stability to it (I'm unlikely to be evicted from it) but there is the question of where I might end up living.

My fear is that I'll have to leave my home town, that I will end up even more isolated than I'm feeling already. I can't be placed in a village as I have no car so that's something of a relief. But there are plenty of towns big enough to shove us in. Goole, anyone?

a happy heart

I was on a high after my success yesterday morning and was determined to not let anything get me down. This meant that when I collected madam from school and she was quite obviously full of a cold (she had her "I'm poorly" face on) and feeling all tired-y I elected to deal with it in the way that I'd like to have been treated.

 

So I made her walk to Tesco and we went to sit in the cafe, have a drink and then we would get the bus home. We also got her a new DVD for her to watch whilst she lay, pathetically, on the sofa making my leg go to sleep.

 

We happened to bump into some friends of ours who manage to have the interesting ability of always making me feel like I am so much more in control of my life than I know I really am. Sadly, the reason for this is because her life is even more out of control than mine. But yet she's still smiling and always manages to give me good advice and help when I need it.

 

So whilst we nattered our two kids did what all modern children now seem to do, played on the apps on our phones! Then we shopped, I bought a proper digital thermometer as I'm sick of the guesswork of a fever strip, the DVD I mentioned and an awesome t-shirt with a rhino on :) If any of you are wondering if I got anything out of this shopping trip (the t-shirt? No, don't be silly...) I got laundry detergent and stain remover. Woot! Oh well, least I have something to wash the laundry mountain in now...

 

Madam and I loved the DVD! It's called The Lorax and it was made by the same people who did Despicable Me (one of our joint favourites) and it was just as good. I do like Dr. Seuss although I was unfamiliar with this story. It's all environmental and worthy, without you feeling like you're being preached to (stand up Happy Feet, you're fired!). The grandmother is now my hero. I'm sure we're way behind and everyone else has already discovered it, but I heartily recommend it.

 

And then last night I finished off chapter 5 of Storm in the Shadows (check it out, there's a link here ). I am soooo pleased with it. I think I might have made the story much harder for me to write now, but still! This, I suppose is only a first draft...

 

And then this morning crashing reality came in. Boo... We both overslept (me because I'd spent so long with my brain on fast forward last night, her because of the cold) and then we just couldn't. It was all so much effort. I did manage to not be shouty mummy as I was aware that she wasn't feeling 100%, but she had no temperature and seemed a bit more herself than she had been. She insisted on the new t-shirt and I figured it wasn't worth an argument. Then we slowly, slowly, slowly walked to school. I merely handed her over at the front door and then headed for respite.

 

I am at my counsellors later on, don't know where this week will go. There might be crying, I'm just feeling that way out today...

 

Oh, and this little blog of mine has now topped 1000 pageviews! I'm so inspired and awed by your support.

 

Thank you. From the very bottom of my heart and soul. Thank you.

 



feverish twaddle

I'm still fairly poorly, though I do feel better than yesterday. And more importantly I got to go to the chinese with everyone :)

 

I'm feeling rather spaced out still so I apologise if this is even more rambling than usual. I went to bed at a completely chaste 10.30 last night and didn't get up until 8, but I still managed to fall asleep for an hour on the sofa whilst madam was making me watch Happy Feet.

 

If you've not seen it then I wouldn't rush to... It's very right on and worthy, and really long for a kids film!

 

I've realised I didn't do a favourites list on Friday, this was mainly cause I totally forgot, sorry! If you'd like to submit suggestions for this Friday they will be greatfully received!

 

This week is the big week for me. Me and Fly Lady are finally on to the living room. I'm really not looking forward to this task, but it's time. I shall gird my loins, as they say...

 

Oh, and yesterday I found out I've been picked to be a World Book Night giver! I'm going to to be giving away 20 copies of The Reader. Which I absolutely loved when I read it the other year. I'm not allowed to give them to habitual readers or in places where lots of readers might be (bookshops, libraries etc). But I'm really excited about it. Now, if you haven't read The Reader, I *do* recommend you give it a go.

 



a poorly procrastinator says what...

Today is not going very well for me, I'm really feeling under-the-weather. I've spent a couple of hours waiting to see an emergency doctor and get some antibiotics for this stupid cough of mine.

 

Only it's not just a cough, I have a fairly high temperature and I've spent most of the morning trying not to fall asleep where I've been standing/sitting.

 

Fortunately for me we are at my parents house today so they are madam sitting and I am in bed. As mentioned I've been struggling not to drop off for the majority of the day, but now I'm in bed, I'm wide (ish) awake...

 

The other pain about me suddenly being unwell today is that we're supposed to be going to the Chinese for a birthday tea for my older brother. It's sort of a "congratulations on the new job" meal as well. So far I haven't eaten anything today so I'm hoping by tonight I might be able to manage some soup and maybe a chicken dish of some description. I'll be so disappointed if I have to stay here in bed and miss it!

 

My little girl has been playing nursemaid for me and making sure I have everything I need. It's incredibly sweet to have her clucking around me, but I'm also glad my parents have now made her stay downstairs whilst I rest.

 

I'm all ache-y and spaced out, oh, and what do you know. I think I might have that sleep after all...