the end of an era (sort of)

This has nothing to do with the blog. I just think it looks pretty!

 

 

I am at a bit of loss now. I have finally handed in the last of my college work and now that's it. It's over. I went in today as the external moderator was coming in to, well, moderate and they'd asked if some of us could come in and have a chat with her.

 

I was the only one from our level 2 group who made it in (which is laughable given how much extra help I've had) and there were 3 from the level 3 group. The moderator was nearly an hour late getting there as she'd been caught up in road works (good job I had nowhere else to be) but it did mean that I got an hour to chat to the other guys.

 

It was really nice to be able to have a laugh with them and they seemed like they would have been good to work with. They still have a couple of weeks left and it was nice to know that two of them were just as disorganised as me. I do feel sorry for the tutor, all these hopeless students to deal with.

 

I do miss our little group and how well we'd all bonded by the end of the course. As part of our ending project we'd all given each other some feedback and some of the positive comments were so nice to hear. It seems strange not to see them every week now.

 

Whilst talking to the level 3s I asked them how many were going on to do the next level and it turned out the majority of them were. They all tried to persuade me to do the level 3 in September, but I explained that it's just not on the cards for me at the moment.

 

I have really enjoyed all that we've learned about and I am really keen to learn more and study the area further. But given the amount of extra support I ended up needing I don't think I'm ready for that yet. And as I said to the tutor it would probably involve weekly tutorials to get me through it. Neither of us fancy that!

 

I have a feeling giving myself some time away and maybe finding myself a job to help me build some of my confidence up again would be the most helpful path. Also, I don't have a spare £450 to spend at this point!

 

But the question is what do I do to keep my brain ticking over now? Do I look at doing some form of e-learning course? And if I do, what do I do it on/in? It would be really good to do some sort of film studies course as I've always been interested in films and I do spend half my life watching them!

 

Maybe I could do it myself, watch a film and share it with the group as it were. An online film club of sorts. I could write a blog post on it and we could have discussion through the comments. This does rely on people interacting with the blog though. And not everyone likes doing that.

 

I have a few blogger friends who post book reviews and they get requests and all sorts. I could do that too, but I think I would be in a rather saturated market. And again an online book club would be hard to sustain through the blog.

 

Maybe I could just post about psychological theories as I read more around and about them. But I may lose my lovely readers whilst I indulge myself in that way. I do already spend a lot of time crafting so maybe I should focus on something to do with that.

 

Maybe I should try learning a new craft. Or perhaps I should go back to sketching. I really did used to enjoy whiling away the hours drawing endless pictures. But I tend to doodle now and I may have become rubbish. Practice makes perfect though and I guess I need to try it and find out.

 

Oh, whilst I was at college I added some more blog posts to my portfolio and one of them was the one about how college goes with depression. I asked the tutor to read it as it has my description of how depression feels to me. And she did that thing she is so remarkably good at. She asked me a question that made me think.

 

Her question was: if you're at the top of a tree, what is it that you can see?

 

Now I feel like I am in darkness a lot of the time, but there must have been a reason I climbed up in the first place. What was I looking for that I climbed so high?

 

I shall have to have a really good think on it and get back to you!