18 June 2013

how lipstick can save the day

I had a very strange kind of a day yesterday. It started off badly and improved slowly. But mostly it was about my emotions and how the newspaper story I mentioned in my post on Sunday was still affecting me (effecting? I never know which one to use).
It started with my being incapable of listening to some of my favourite songs without crying. Even ones that wouldn't normally make me cry did. I accidentally heard Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. and that just made it so much worse. I'd forgotten it was in the playlist I was listening to. Now, don't get me wrong, I love that song. And I find it usually to be uplifting and reassuring. There are times when some lyrics stand out to me whilst sometimes others do.
I latched on to the ones about loneliness yesterday though, and what had started as a mixed up sort of a thing found a focus. And then I ended up talking to the lovely Dolly Clackett (great blog, btw) and she helped me pull myself up a bit.
I moved on to a rather fantastic playlist I have which combines shouty, loud, metalish music with happy, upbeat Beach Boys stuff. Made me feel much better. But then we spoke a bit about homesickness (her) and feelings of not being good enough to deserve the fabulous parents we have (both of us). And somehow knowing I'm not alone helps.
The desire to be better than I am shapes me. But not in good ways. I don't feel it as a motivator, more as an oppressive dictator. It makes me question all that I do and compare myself mercilessly to others. It's exhausting feeling that way. But it's lovely to have someone to talk to about it. And I hope the more I learn to talk the less it will eat me up.
After having my lovely cheering up chat I went to find some lunch (sushi, ftw) and found myself staring down a new lipstick in boots. It reminded me of my favourite colour from my youth. Black Cherry by Rimmel. I used to wear it loads, along with one called Heatherberry.
New lipstick is Barry M Lip Paint in 160 (fashion blogging now, who'd a thought it!). I found a mirror and did my face and remembered how much I like doing my make-up. I do it so rarely now. No time, nowhere to go etc. It made me feel empowered to allow myself to have a better day. Such a strange thing to say just about shoving some lippy on, but it gives you a face to show the world when you don't feel like showing it your own.
ridiculously serious expression optional
And I knew my day was going to get better as I was going to get to see lovely V! Ah, how she has a healing effect on me :) Her lovely smiling face and reassuring presence work wonders on me. We managed to pull off a surprise for madam as she had no idea she was going to see her fairy godmother. Fun! 
We went to a lovely cafĂ© for a drink and madam was mainly well behaved. And we had the nice chat type things. And then, sadly, it was time to head off :( But, I got a nice surprise as V had sourced a new (to me) sewing machine! Wonderful. Many thanks also to the lovely R as I believe it came from his mother :)
Somehow, in all this, I failed at giving V her pressie from us... Hopefully, I'll see her again before the end of her hols though.   
P.S. My mother has just phoned to see if I'm ok! How does she know when I need to hear her voice? How!?  

1 comment:

Tabatha Tweedie said...

Congrats on getting a new sewing machine! If you need any help, give me a shout xxx