21 July 2013

Perfectionism is not a game

On March 21st this year I wrote a post on how perfectionism leads to procrastination and suddenly in the last week it has become the most read post on my blog. And in fact the most read post of this week. Baffling really, don't know why the sudden surge in interest around it.
It does give out that important message though. That people like me are this way for reasons other than people can often assume. I'm not saying that I don't have a lazy gene, but most of the time that's not what it's about. I am so concerned about doing it right that I often freeze myself into inaction. I sit, I see, but I cannot do. I'm trying to keep up momentum but have to admit to having stalled again in the last few months.
My everyday routine has gone to pot and I can feel the chaos starting to build up again. And that terrifies me, I don't want it to be in control of me, and still I'm letting it win by not forcing myself to do it. My current excuse is that my timer broke (queue everyone I know (V) prodding me with sharp sticks via twitter). And you have no idea how bad I am at judging time. 15 minutes is not long enough (I know it is), I don't know where to start (just do something, it'll help), I don't want my friends to have to rescue me again (my friends genuinely care about me and want to help).
So many reasons and so many excuses that I *know* I'm being irrational about. And yet, and yet, and yet... Hopefully, I am having lovely Tabatha Tweedie and V come over on Tuesday for more sewings/girly chats so that will be a fine kick up the bottom to sort things out again. And the silly thing is I want them in my house now. I have turned that corner from being afraid to let anyone over the threshold for fear of being judged.
I am glad that being able to be honest allows me to have that freedom again. I love having visitors, I love being sociable. It's one of the few things I miss from having himself around, the house used to always have friends and family in it. I'm not saying I was always keen on all of the company, but I love having people round and making them food (I am a feeder, I plan on making snacks for everyone on Tuesday :D).
Actually, I really want to experiment and make these peanut butter treat things that lovely essbeevee keeps mentioning. I may also need to lie down and hope to avoid sugar coma afterwards, but it sounds like something madam would be able to help make, and I'm always searching for those type of recipes.
So I will go home this evening and I will put a music DVD on (I'll give you all 3 guesses whose) and I will use that to time my tidying. If I have 3 people (and a madam) in my dining room to do sewing we'll be needing the elbow room!   

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